Healthy ways of dealing with anger and resentment?

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Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 112
   Posted 3/13/2009 11:43 PM (GMT -6)   
I wanted to get a few opinions, im not sure if theres a wrong or right way but i have heard different things.
I had a very abusive ex who i was with for a while, about a year ago the anger i felt towards him re surfaced and i found myself not knowing how to deal with it, i felt frustrated that i couldnt release it back to him because the time had past, it was such a strong awfull emotion it sent me on the most severe panic attacks. Since then i talked about it with my dad who said If you let go at your anger and see him as another person with hes own issues he has to deal with, and get on with your life the anger will subside, because anger hurts u more than the person you direct it to, i have found this to be true and so i havent had another problem. I have also read through buddhist books and so on, that in order to let go of anger we must forgive and let go.
I have felt alot better but in the back of my mind didnt want to focus on it too much.
My psychologist however believes in her opinion that the way she thinks it should be released is to imagine being angry with him and hitting him over and over again untill u feel completly drained and keep doing untill all anger is released, i oppose this and dont feel comfortable with this, that is exacly what i was doing that left me so frustrated that led me to my panic attacks.
I dont see how this is healthy.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 112
   Posted 3/13/2009 11:46 PM (GMT -6)   
i was doing fine untill my pyscologist triggered my anxiety.

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   Posted 3/14/2009 1:45 PM (GMT -6)   
I would go with what your dad said but that is only my

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Green Grove
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   Posted 3/14/2009 1:58 PM (GMT -6)   
I agree with your father & Lyn as well, cause I've had to use these same techniques to move on with my life through many situations. Sometimes that is all a person has to keep the sanity that is still left. . . I wish you the best of luck!
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Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 800
   Posted 3/15/2009 8:40 AM (GMT -6)   
I agree that you shouldn't be destructive when dealing with anger. Visualizing violence like your psychologist said doesn't sound right. You should find other ways of releasing anger. The abuser is the one with issues and does not know how much damage he/she is causing the other person. And if you understand that the abuser doesn't have the ability to control his abusive behavior, as it is part of who he/she is, you will learn to let go. I understand how it is to be in an abusive relationship. It can leave a deep scar in your heart. I still suffer from a lot of hurt and pain from being in an abusive relationship, and it is not easy to just forget. What I found very helpful is to always surround yourself with positive people who support and care for you. Get rid of all the negative people in your life and find ways to release your anger and stress in a constructive way like going to the gym, listening to music, taking a walk in the park, doing meditation and yoga, writing down your feelings, deep breathing etc.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
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   Posted 3/15/2009 9:02 AM (GMT -6)   

Good Morning,

There are times when we should get angry and stand up for our rights or the rights of others who cannot do it for themselves.

It is when this anger is not controlled that we get into trouble so please don’t let your anger consume you.

I agree with your Dad and I feel he has given you some very good advice.

Take care and know we are here for you.


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