Hello....I'm new here, My name is Miichelle I'm 40 years old, married with 2 Daughters, I have Muscular dystrophy but don't think thats the cause of my anxiety.
I had my first panic attack in February 2008, maybe I always had a slight degree of anxiety people have always called me highly strung (I stilll don't know what that means) my anxiety is all mainly about my health my fear is dying and leaving my Children without a Mother, I know all Mothers have that fear but, mine is out of control. I have OCD slightly, I have been through councilling and thought I was cured.....ha-ha I actually believed I was! so I stopped councilling in November. I had an episode in December Christmas day actually where I made my Husband take me to the hospital because I thought I was bleeding to death internally, I feel guilty about spoiling our Childrens Christmas. I'm affraid to take medication incase it takes away pain from something "real" I think if I take a painkiller for a headache it will dull chest pain and I will miss the warning signs of a heart attack! I'm affraid to take anxiety medications incase I get hooked on it and in the long run it will cause me more problems. I feak out if I hear about someone dying suddenly, don't want to know about anybodys illnesses because I will convince myself I have it too, I don't want to hear about funerals and force myself not to google pain symptoms because I know where I'll end up....between Feb 08 and Aug 08, I have had (imaginary) eptopic pregnancy, a few heart attacks, closed breathing tube, several cancers, blood clots, aneurysims, shock....these are things I went to the hospital about, I went to my GP for these plus many more ailments such as appendicitus, ovarian cysts ect.
3 weeks ago my anxiety came back its not as bad as before but its getting there, I have chest pain, the sensation my throat is closing, palpertations, a few hot flushes, so far I have managed to calm myself and not run to the hospital but I know its only a matter of days before I need to go there for reassurance, I have an appointment on Tuesday with a Doctor about respitory ailments so I'm hoping I can hold out until then as I know I'll get reassurance for him/her, I had a heart scan last May and that was normal my GP assured me on Monday that I have the heart of a healthy 40 year old....that scan was 11 months ago and now I'm worried something has happened to my heart in those 11 months so I want another heart scan....
My thoughts are constantly on the "what if" what if its not anxiety and theres something really wrong and I'm ignoring it while putting it down to anxiety I've got a responsiblity to my Daughters to be healthy and look after them, am I letting them down?
I feel like I'm getting out of control again, my Husband has been understanding in the past although he always says on our way to the hospital "you know they'll find nothing wrong" but he goes along with me anyway and never once said "I told you so"
I'm so relieved to have found this forum.