Good Morning Family,
I have an appointment in 2 hours w/ a new doctor and I am beside myself with anxiety. I haven't been to a pdoc in about 4 years because as some of you might remember, I decided to fire the last one after he wouldn't listen and just wanted to keep increasing my SSRI. Since then, I've been trying to deal with the anxiety on my own, and occasionally my grandmom would give me a few of her 0.5 mg xanax when things got really bad.
Well, I guess I have finally reached a breaking point, because I called a few weeks ago to make an appointment with a doctor to try and get on a therapeutic regimen to help lessen and manage my anxiety more effectively. Now I sit here typing, and my head feels swimmy, my heart is beating like crazy, and I have the worst feeling in my stomach. I don't like doctors, and don't trust them as I feel they are only out to push drugs on their patients, and not to mention getting perks from the various drug reps that constantly stroll through their offices....
I am so mad at myself b/c I waited until last minute to post this concern here. I was going to post yesterday, but with all the drama from the Nikki/Garen incident I just thought that it was better to wait....now I'm posting as more of a vent/self-talk than anything since my appointment is so near...UGH.
My anxiety has been REALLY REALLY bad this week. I usually have good days and bad (like we all do), but everyday this week has been BAD. I'm so stressed out and busy, I feel like things are never going to get any better. As some of you know, my grandmom was diagnosed with lung cancer around mid-February...and my mom and I were gearing up to help her w/things as she underwent chemo, however, she passed away on March 9, due to complications from the cancer. It was like we got her diagnosis and 12 days later she was gone....I still can't believe it's real and I don't think I've been able to completely grieve...I just have this huge EMPTY feeling, and I don't know how to get rid of it. In light of everything that's been going on, maybe it's a good thing i've got an appointment today, if I can just make myself get in my car and drive there and not run away before I see the doctor....I wish all of you were here to stand behind me and see to it that I walk through that door.