Oh My Goodness,
I just read Cass' post to you and, Karlie, I thought to myself, hey, I am Cass, just an older model. Cass said it all absolutely perfectly.
I have had Anxiety and Depression for 26 years. I have always been on a med and I went for 20 years of having minor upsets and a little tweaking with the meds and some therapy sessions and I was back to the "old me" although the anxiety was always there the depression was dampened. During that 20 years I lost a son to a car crash but I was tough and could get through it................I suppressed a lot of sadness and I think it finally overwhelmed me.
In 2005 I started to have some major problems with the Anxiety and Depression, I ended up retiring early in 2006 as I thought I could cure it by removing the stress. I also lost all my friends who were my peers at work and so for a year I sat alone and cried everyday. I went to therapy and it did not do a lot.
Then I went through the hunt for the right medication with my Pdoc. I also switched therapists and really liked the one I found and I spent 6 months working with her. I did learn a lot about who I am and felt I was on an even keel . I had some really good times but never did get the "old me" back as I would run into a week where I was anxious and down........and the tears would flow as I begged God to help me and I would not understand why this cycle kept happening.............I was to be cured.
My Pdoc has been trying to tell me I have MDD and I will always have this. I thought "yeah you keep telling me that but I will not get better if you keep telling me I will be a failure" That was my stinkin thinkin and boy, I am still acting like this.
I have insisted I want off the meds, my Pdoc said OK but I am afraid you will crash. To me it feels like she just does not want me to succeed. So I have weaned down to 20 mg of cymbalta and I have been all over the place in my head. I am fighting this.............
Cass is so right, I must stop fighting and accept that I have Depression and learn to live with it. If I need meds, I will have to take them. I hate the weight increase I have had with the meds but I know Cass is right about the exercise and the healthy eating.
So the answer is yes, most people will have this disorder for a life time but acceptance is the key...........I need to quit struggling against this as I have fought against it so hard for years now.
There is no "old me" just the me that is today.
You can live a happy and productive life with the Anxiety so please know you will be OK.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& Moderator GERD Forums
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Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources