Saying Hello and a history of myself

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Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 341
   Posted 3/25/2009 4:35 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi, I'm new to the boards. Decided I needed some place to chat about my problem. After some searching this board felt the most comfortable on.

I'm 34 mom of 3, 16,13, and 9. I'm a SAHM. Well not by choice. But I can't work. I'm currently stuck at home and unable to leave. The rare occasions that I can I have to have someone with me. Then its only 1 mile to the local gas station and straight back home. The only reason I can go that far is because the fire station is right there. So if something happens there is someone close by to help.
So as you can see I have panic attacks. I worry all the time something is going to happen to me and no one is gonna be around to help me. I can't be around a lot of people do to fear of them seeing me "freak" out.
I have roughly 5-10 attacks a day. With 1-3 being major ones. The mild ones usually last only an hour. Others can last up to 3 hours. I have Lexapro sitting in front of me and I'm way to chicken to try them. Med history isn't good and I'm a "light weight" when it comes to meds. First med was Paxil that my dad had been taking for years. In 2 weeks I developed a shake. Took 1/4 celixa and I had one of the rare side effects of cravings for chocolate. I'm talking the kind where you MUST have it. I gained 75lbs in the 3 months I was on it. Then buspar. Took it for 3 months also. Started off with 1/3 a pill 3 times a day. First 2 weeks then upped it to 1/2 and I had the face trimmers. Wellbuton made my anxiety twice as bad. Cymbalta suicidal thoughts. I almost jump off of a balcony while I was on a field trip (used to be a school bus driver).
So now I sit with Lexapro. Mom took it without a problem. Brother took it also and he did a lot better. My dad is taking the Celixa without problems. But I'm scared to try it. I'm thinking about visiting the Doc and seeing if I can cut the pill in half and only take 5mg's to start. Mom is even willing to sit with me at the Doc's office a few hours a day to make sure that I'm ok. I'm so worried. I know I need something. But I just can't do it. I have tried to force myself and I threw up.
We don't have insurance. So I can't afford to see a therapist. I'm at the point I would rather sleep, cry, or be on the computer. I'm home alone all day. So that is when I sleep. I don't handle being here by myself.
As you can see there is a long history of panic attacks in my family. Yaa Mom,dad, brothers (3 out of 4) myself and I think my daughter (16) my be entering her side of anxiety also. Doc said to give the daughter Benadryal to help her stay calm until she is old enough for meds. But how can I give her something I can't take?

Anyway there is my rant and history. I hope I can find some support and kind words that I so need here. Thanks for reading and sorry it is so long.
Take Care

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 3/25/2009 9:05 AM (GMT -6)   
I am sorry you are having such a difficult time. You really need to take your medication. You are never going to feel better if you don't let the medication help you. I bet if you start taking this medication within a few months we will have posts from you comforting someone else who was too afraid to take their meds. I hope you can get into a doctor or therapist soon to help you get your panic/anxiety settled.

Good luck,
Gail *Nanners*
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission.
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 3/25/2009 9:07 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Alistaria,

It sounds like you are trapped within your own skin, but sweetie, things will get better. I think Celexa is like Lexapro, which is a close cousin to effexor. That is what I take. I couldn't tolerate anti depressants well either and this is what I ended up with.

I truly hope that things get better for you. Remember your breathing when you are suffering a panic attack. You will get this under control and you will live a full life. Trust me.

Take care my friend and I hope that you have a wonderful day. There will be somebody else on soon to answer your questions. I am from the depression forum, but read here a lot.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2859
   Posted 3/25/2009 10:54 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi...I started out with 2.5 mgs of Lexapro.  The first night I took it, I woke up finding myself rooting through my husband's underwear drawer!  Then I upped it to five...three weeks later to ten mgs.  I am very drug sensitive...the ten was too much.  I am trying to wean off it now as there is always a choice that has to be made when on these least in my opinion.  I'm a writer and the drug did just what it's supposed to do...dull the emotions.  I haven't been able to write a word since on it, but it has helped with the anxiety and depression.  My suggestion is to start with a small dose and work your way up.  My doc also recommended that.  We feel so crappy that we are just anxious to get the stuff in our systems, but from my experience, more isn't always better, expecially when dealing with SSRI's.  Hope you feel better!  I had no unbearble side effects from Lexapro, and I think it was because I took such small doses in the beginning and worked my way up.


fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/25/2009 11:28 AM (GMT -6)   


Welcome to HealingWell and the A & P Forum.

I have to agree with trying to start out on a very low dose of the Lexapro and working up slowly however I do feel you physician should be  working with you on figuring out how low a dose to try.

I am sorry to hear you are going through all of this and know you have found a great place to come and share your feeling and know that the members are warm and caring.



We have a welcome for new members thread if you would like to introduce yourself in that thread or not. :-)


Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 1256
   Posted 3/25/2009 11:46 AM (GMT -6)   
A warm welcome to Healing Well! This site, the members, and the Mods have been a God-send to me. I also have an extreme fear of taking new medicines. Maybe you could try as others have suggested and contact your doctor about starting on a low dose, then gradually work your way up. Also, I find that I'm the most relaxed at night when I go to bed with a book, after taking my Xanax. I have found that if I take a new meds right before I fall asleep, I will hopefully sleep through any side-effects and bypass a bad panic attack. The best of luck to you! Blessings, Julie
Diagnosed with Crohn's March 2006, Fibromyalgia November 2008
Asacol 3 times a day, Remicade 10mg/kg every 4 weeks, Prednisone 10 mg, Miralax,  Prevacid 30mg, Vit B12, Vitamin D, Slow-FE (Iron), Hydrocortisone enemas
Imuran stopped 9/8/08 (possible Pancreatitis)
Paxil 40mg daily (for Panic disorder)
Xanax .5mg three times a day, 1mg at bedtime (for anxiety attacks)

New Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 3/25/2009 12:41 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Allestaria;

I've been there, and know exactly what you're going through - I have had the paxil shakes too - and the chocolate!

I've driven in snowstorms to get the chocolate, and have had panic attacks waiting in line in the store with a Hershey Bar in my sweaty palms ...

I'm currently ramping back up on Paxil, it is scary, but you have to try your medication- once I was told that ..."Medicines, when used correctly can be the hand of God."

The tough thing is that the meds take a bit of time to work.

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 341
   Posted 3/25/2009 1:10 PM (GMT -6)   
ahh thank you all.
You great. I am going to see the doc. I had asked him if I could take it at night. He had told me I shouldn't need to. That my side effect if any on this one will be low to nothing. But I know how my anxiety works. My body will make up something. I'll blame it on the Lexapro and not take it. At this stage of my wacky world I need something.

I made plans to take the kids to the movies. Of course my mom is going. I'm already trying to thinking of a way I can get out of it. My brain is going 100 miles an hour trying to figure a way I can talk myself out of going. I already picture myself pacing in the hallway or at the back of the movie theater. Its the kids spring break and I at least would like them to be able to see a movie.

Thank you for the advice and the "kick in the rear" about the meds. I am going to take them just gotta work out how I can do it and not freak out about it.
Off to take a shower and get ready for the movies!
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