I'm sorry for your brother's death and all the fear that has left for you. Have you considered counseling for your grief? Even though it may have happened "long ago," there's no time limit on grief and its aftereffects.
I'm glad you had a good day today. I really liked something that Allestaria said: the word "consecration." Focussing on each act as something that has meaning and is a gift to our lives or the lives or those around us really sounds nice, and somehow takes the uncertainty and fear away a little bit for me.
Co-Moderator, Anxiety and Panic Forum
DX: Anxiety, Depression, LPR (acid reflux)
Meds: Paxil, Nexium, Zantac