Boy it sure seems as if things are really bothering me lately. I find myself a little grumpier lately, a little sadder, a little everything. I don't even know where to begin. When my mom passed in January we had to remove her from life support. I feel guilty about
that! Even though the doctors said she would never be able to survive without the artificial life support and I know thats not what she wanted (to be maintained by machines), I still feel so much guilt. Did we take her off too soon, did the Morphine they gave her to make her more comfortable just do that or did it just o.d. her. This thought is always on my mind. And I really miss her so much
I have held this in for so long, I just felt the need to get it out.
My oldest daughter won't speak to us. Why? I think its because we wouldn't do everything for her. Because we believe that if she would have shown some effort on her own, then definetly we would have helped her. We just wanted to see some effort on her part FIRST. She complained about taking public transportation, she just didn't know how she would get around this BIG city without a car (we live in the San Diego area). Her sister does it every single day. Her sister gave her a list of online job sites, and all of sudden she had a job where she used to live taking care of a paraplegic mann. Why did she leave her kids in the first place, if she had a job right there near the kids she could have taken? This job even provided a place to live. She wanted mommy and daddy to make life easy for her and since we didn't, she left without even telling us she was leaving. I have not spoken to her since. She even took her kids to visit step family that live only 1 hour away from me and didn't even call us for Easter or let us talk to the kids. It hurts, hurts alot. I wish I could talk to my Mom. I feel the need to make sure I never mistreated her like my daughter has us.
And then there is my health. I have a 33 year history with Crohns Disease. I have Fibromyalgia, Arthritis, and chronic pain somewhere in my body everyday. And yesterday found out that now my Cholesterol is high, so will have to work on lowering that. And that will not be an easy feat because my diet is limited because of my Crohns, I am very sensitive to supplements that might help, and am sensitive to some meds because of my delicate stomach. Can't win for losing sometimes.
Its just one of those times, when things just seem to be getting to me. I have a loving and supportive husband who knows all about my struggles and is always there for me. I just felt the need to vent and maybe get a little support from my friends. Don't worry I am not anxious or depressed, just having alot thrown at me in a short time. So my spirits are a little low today. I even feel bad about putting this on here, when others like our sweet Kitt are suffering so much right now. Thanks for taking the time to read this long thread and letting me get all this off my chest.
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission.
*Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*
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