PTSD help!! Can't stop crying :(

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Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 90
   Posted 5/5/2009 12:36 AM (GMT -6)   
hey everyone! it's been a long time since I've posted... a very long time, but things have been going quite horribly lately and I know I always felt welcome here, so here I am again.

I was diagnosed in early '07 with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after being assaulted. I'd gone to counseling/therapy for a few months and thought I was doing ok and could manage the rest on my own.

I went from not being able to leave the house without having severe panic attacks... feeling like people were following me,, even though I knew no one was, jumping 30 feet in the air (metaphorically speaking) if someone would merely whisper my name, and generally panicking over anything adn everything and seriously considering checking myself into a mental institution (thank god therapy told me I was not crazy, that this was classic PTSD)... to feeling a little better about myself.

Looking back... I think I was in denial. I wasn't ok, I just WANTED to be ok... to be normal again. I've gotten only worse since I stopped seeing my therapist. I'm in the middle of applying for SSD, which is a whole new realm of things to panic about, can't work, and can barely leave the house. The thought of picking up the phone to make phone calls to take care of things makes me nervous/anxious. Going OUT of the house to get something done? Takes me days to get up the nerves to do so. I've been hitting road blocks in getting back into therapy, don't have insurance, and am on the verge of losing every thing I have (which isn't much) because I can't even pick up the phone to make calls or GO somewhere to take care of things, work, etc.

I'm only 28, and I feel so helpless, alone and terrified. All I want to do is cry, crawl into a hole and just hide... hoping that when I crawl out everything will be back to normal. I'll be me again. no nightmares, no panic attacks, being able to do something so simple as pick up the phone...

There's a waiting list for the free crime victims counseling in my area, if I could get up the nerve to leave the house to even go. I don't know what to do, where to go for help with everything, and I just feel alone. I currently have to live with my mother, who does not help my situation at all. She can't handle her own life, let alone being able to talk to her about anything. My dad understands and I could stay with him, but my mom can't afford to live on her own either and I can't leave her stranded... I'd never hear the end of it. I just don't know what to do. I know I want to find the "new normal" for myself again... find me again, and live as happy and as normal of a life I can... but I just don't know where to start, and how to start if picking up the phone is even difficult for me. :(

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/5/2009 7:52 AM (GMT -6)   

Dear FallenAngel,

Good Morning, this is Kitt and welcome back.  It has been a while since your posted.  Could you bring us up to date on your living situation and do you work outside of your home?

Post-traumatic stress disorder treatment often includes both medications and psychotherapy. This combined approach can help improve your symptoms and teach you skills to cope better with the traumatic event and its aftermath. May I ask if you are on any medications?

Several types of medications can help symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder get better. Antidepressants can help symptoms of both depression and anxiety. They can also help improve sleep problems and improve your concentration. Anti-anxiety medications also can improve feelings of anxiety and stress.

If your symptoms include recurrent nightmares, a drug called prazosin may help. Prazosin, which has been used for years in the treatment of hypertension, also blocks the brain's response to an adrenaline-like brain chemical called norepinephrine. Prazosin can reduce or suppress nightmares in many people with PTSD.

Some types of therapy used in PTSD treatment include:

  • Cognitive therapy. This type of talk therapy helps you identify and change self-destructive thought (cognitive) patterns.
  • Exposure therapy. This behavioral therapy technique helps you safely confront the very thing that you find upsetting or disturbing, so that you can learn to cope effectively with it.
  • Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR). This type of therapy combines exposure therapy with a series of guided eye movements that help you process traumatic memories.
  • Cognitive behavior therapy. This approach combines cognitive and behavior therapy to help you identify unhealthy beliefs and behaviors and replace them with positive ones.

There is a free online CBT course that you could work through from home on your computer that has been very helpful.  the MoodGYM. Here is the link for this program. I have used it as well as other members and found it very helpful.

Coming here and talking with the great members of this forum is another way to help decrease your fears and the members are always kind and caring.

Stick with us and do keep trying to get back into one on one therapy.

Gentle Hugs to you,



Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Co-Moderator Depression
Moderator: GERD/Heartburn
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Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 5/5/2009 2:17 PM (GMT -6)   
You should call your local victim/witness advocate to find out what services are available in your community. I don't know if when you say you were assualted you mean sexually or violently or both. Many cities have free sexual assault support groups. You could try calling your local hospital or police department. The beauty of being on the phone is you don't have to give your name or show your face. If they ask say "I'd rather stay anonymous." Also, was your attacker caught and sentenced? Many sentences can include restitution. You may want to call the prosecutor about having him/her pay for your counseling.
27 Year old married female law student (last year!!). Diagnosed w/ CD 4 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD. I am sort of lactose intollerant too but can handle anything cultured and do well w/ lactose pills and lactaid. For crohns I am currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day and hysociamine prn. I also have bad acid reflux and have been on PPI's since age 13. I have been through prilosec, prevacid, and nexium. Currently I am on Protonix in the morning and Zantac at night.  I take xanax prn for situational anxiety (aka no easy bathroom access). 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 5/6/2009 1:39 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey. I kind of thought I suffered from PTSD and a therapist recently agreed. The nightmares have finally subsided after 20 years. Time is what helped me. I was never agoraphobic as you've described. I do know when it gets that bad, you must begin to leave the house if only a few steps away.

You've mentioned feeling alone and helpless. I would call the nearest church (that's if you're a religious person). They have people that can talk to you, give you advice, listen, whatever you need. I don't know if I'm out of line here, but I would suggest living with your father. Out of experience, you need to look out for yourself. I'm not in your position. It's probably easy for me to say it. But I'm thinking you can't help your mom with her issues if you're not well. And I'm not even sure if you can help your mom.

So, my advice friend, is to pray, call a local church, move in with your father, begin to leave the house even if it's just a few steps from the front door. Explore this website. There are resources for you here. I know you'll get better. I can feel it. Help is coming.
Anxiety Disorder/Mitral Valve Prolapse
50 mg. Lopressor, 40 mg. Prozac, Ativan as needed.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 5/6/2009 2:53 PM (GMT -6)   

I know you feel a sense of responsibility toward your mother, but you seem to be in crisis now yourself. If living with your father seems likely to help you, that's a powerful reason to consider it very seriously. Even though you may feel guilty toward your mother, you probably need to be less on the edge yourself before you can help someone else in a meaningful way.

Also, there's another thread where I'm describing my experiences with EMDR therapy (I'm just starting), one of the ones Kitt listed in her reply. I know that therapy holds many obstacles for you right now, but I hope and pray that those will get removed so that you can feel like yourself again.



Co-Moderator, Anxiety and Panic Forum


DX: Anxiety, Depression, LPR (acid reflux)

Meds: Paxil, Nexium, Zantac

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