Worried and a rant

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Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 341
   Posted 5/15/2009 2:29 PM (GMT -6)   
Well my niece has arrived. She was born Monday morning about 11am.
7 lbs 13.6 oz and 18 inches long.

She is a trooper I will say. My brother and sil named her Lilian Ann.

Well she is not released from the hospital yet. She at first turned out to not hold down food so they found out she is lactose intolerant. Then she turned jaundice.

A nurse heard a heart murmur. The doctors and other nurses did not. Well the doc finally heard it and order an eco gram? Anyway with that they found 2 small holes in her heart. They think one will heal on its own but the other will need surgery when she is 2 months old.

Lily is eatting fine now and is recovering ok from the jaundice. She has to be kept under the light. So she is not home yet.

Anyway here is the rant..

Now you know the story and all of this was found out on wednsday. Well the baby shower was last night. And the mother of this poor girl. Was going to take her to the baby shower. If the hospital had released that baby yesterday as thought. She would of been passed around between 25+ people. Instead of coming home to rest. Which IMO she needs special attention and care right now. Not being among a lot of people and no telling who is could be carrying a cold. This child has a serious health problem. And mom seems to think its nothing.

To top it off mom went out and partied last night. I can't believe it or get past it. I would be with that baby 24/7. I was with my first daughter. She was very ill. I didn't leave the hospital without her.

Am I wrong to think there is something wrong here? I can't see the baby as she is in NICU. And only grandparents and parents are allowed in. So I have to get the news from my mom. Who is getting very little information from my brother and his wife. They both seem to think no one matters in this situation. I would be keeping my mom informed on EVERYTHING. Hell I still do. And my oldest is now 16.

Of course because of this my anxiety is worse. As I'm stressed out and very upset over this whole situation. I think once my SIL mom goes back home my mom and I will be brought back into the loop of things instead of tossed to the side like we don't matter. Whats really sad is they live with my mom. My brother and his wife have lived with my mom for a year now. And they don't have the common sense to tell her a darn thing.
My mom has had to deal with someone who whines and cries about every ack and pain for 9 months. And share her home with these people who don't even care to clean up after themselves. And my mom is not in a healthy state to care for them. But she cooks, and cleans up after them.

Guess its time for me to stand up to them. Or do something. I'm not sure what. But something needs to be done here. I'm at a total loss and I feel horrible for my mom. Just horrible that they are treating her like this. She was in tears yesterday because the other grandma wouldn't let my mom hold the baby. My mom being in pain is not something I want to see or put up with. She does not need this what so ever.

Ok I think my rant is over now. Sorry for the long post but I needed a place to vent. I can't vent to mom because it upsets her more. Hubby doesn't understand. And well that leaves no one else but my family here on the world wide web =)

Thanks for reading if you did I know its long

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/15/2009 4:22 PM (GMT -6)   
I am so sorry you are going through this anxiety but I know this story well as most families have relatives like this in their lives. 
It is very hard to respond to you without sounding judgemental as I know I have some relatives that are complete idiots and care less about anyone other then themselves to the point of being not only irresponsible but narcissistic.
Here comes the tough part, this child is not yours nor is it going to help for you to start to tell your brother how to behave.  If the child were home and you felt the child's welfare were in danger then there are reporting procedures to go through to seek help for the baby.
I know your Mother is hurt, I have been there and very recently but you must remember again that this is your Mom's feelings and you cannot make her feel better by starting a family feud or insisting others behave the way you feel they should.
For your own sake I would tread lightly here as the conquesquences may be that your brother tells you to get lost and you will not get to spend any time with this wonderful new niece.
Just FYIs from my own experience and they have been vast. 
You have a right to feel anxious and upset over this situation but again remember you do not have the power to make the world alright.
Special hugs to you and congratulations on your new role Auntie.

Kitt, Co-Moderator:
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Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 5/15/2009 7:26 PM (GMT -6)   

Kitt is right, you need to be careful. I would suggest to your mom that she take care of herself more and worry less about your brother and his wife. I would make it sound like you are really concerned with her health, (as I'm sure you are), and see what she says. I wouldn't bring it up with your bro.

Sounds like your sister-in-law may be a little immature. I hope she becomes more responsible when the baby comes home.

Try not to fret and let us know how it's going!

Anxiety Disorder
60 mg. Prozac, Ativan as needed.

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 341
   Posted 5/16/2009 12:14 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks guys.

The baby did come home today. Was at mom's for about an hour then SIL and her mom took her out on the town for several hours. They didn't even try to keep the sun out of her eyes. Poor thing is going to end up with eye problems.

They have not made the appt to see the cardioligist in Albq yet. Even though they were told to do so on wednsday I think.
When the baby was brought home. Mom got ready to hold her and my SIL turned her back on my mom and walked away. Mom left HER house right then. And headed to town early to pick up my daughter from school. They are treating her like dirt and I will not stand for it. My mom is to laid back to say anything. Instead she comes to me crying and upset. Which is not right. If my dad had a clue of how they are treating her he would for sure say something and it would not be put as nicely as myself.

I know I shouldn't step on their toes. But I will put my foot down if they don't shape up. This is NOT my brothers first child he knows better. His first daughter is 7 years old.

The family feud issue has already been brought up. Dad is prepared for it and mom. They said if it comes to that it does. But at least if this happens then mom wont have to be treated so poorly. I'm not worried about my brother not speaking to me since he truly hasn't in years. We had a falling out about 4 years ago. And we are civil to each other but that is about it. My family has already disowned my oldest half brother many years ago. Probably 13 years now. So it wouldn't be the first time.. sad to say.

But I will do what it takes to protect my mom. She is going through a very hard time in her life. And she does not need added worries on top of her health and thinking my dad has cheated on her. Along with taking care of my oldest daughter. And taking care of my brothers family. Its to much on her plate to handle alone. And I'm her support table. She knows I wont tolerate it and will stand up for her.

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 341
   Posted 5/16/2009 12:18 AM (GMT -6)   

Thanks for the suggestion but I have been telling mom that for years. She is always concerned about everyone else before herself. Its the way she is. It is hard to get her to just buy herself a new shirt. She would rather spend that extra 20 bucks on something for someone else. I am always talking her out of putting things back. And then she will always comment later about how guilty she feels for buying something for herself.
I had to even convince her to take some of the products we make home for herself to use. And they are sitting on my counter because she feels bad. Crazy woman needs to learn to "gift" herself sometimes and that it isn't a bad thing.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 5/16/2009 11:11 AM (GMT -6)   
I have to agree with Kitt here. As much as you dislike the way the are caring for their child, it is not your place to comment. This is their child and their choice on how to raise her. JMHO
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission.
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Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1284
   Posted 5/16/2009 10:55 PM (GMT -6)   
As someone mentioned earlier, if you believe the children (you said there's a 7 year old daughter as well) are in danger or if they're being neglected, you could report it... But don't do it lightly...

The foster care system can be very brutal... :(... *I know, I've been in foster care...*
I think I am being picked on by life, sometimes. But's that okay. Life and I are good buddies... I know life doesn't mean no harm. It just is the way it is. I can accept that.

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