Hello! I really need someone right now! I feel like I'm loosing my mind! I feel like I'm stuck inside some twisted scarey movie! I just woke up from a dream that I was on some kinda halusagenagins (sorry I cant spell). I was halusinating. That is one of my worst fears is to halusinate ( I know I'm still spelling it wrong)! It just freaks me out so bad! Well I woke up and I'm still in that sorta dream mode. I cant seem to pull myself out of it!
Also I am feeling really just like a mix of anxiety and depression. I love life and I do believe things can change, but I'm terrified that I'm going to become suicidal! Well I read all the symptoms that tell you when to worry about suiced and I dont fit any of them. I dont WANT to want to kill myself. I DONT want to kill myself! I'm just afraid that all of a sudden I will! I dont have a suicide plan! I havent thought of ways to kill myself! (I read that we arnt supposed to talk about being suicidal. I'm NOT suicidal, I'm just scared of becoming that way!) All I really want is to know that I'm not alone on this fear! That others have had it and didnt become suicidal. Just someone to tell me its a common fear.
Has someone else ever felt kinda depressed and then it gets worse at times and they arnt suicidal but they fear they will become that way?
I look around at things in my life and sometimes I cant find anything to do that will make me happy! I dont know, maybe its because I dont work right now and I just sit at home most of the time. Maybe its a form of cabin fever. Just me thinking too much. I know I CAN be happy. I had a bad day yesterday but I mean, we all have our bad days right? Yeah, I mean, even then I had a few good laughs yesterday. I didnt feel like just laying in bed crying or just laying in bed. I havent lost interest in showering or going places to try to have fun. My thoughts just race a lot and they have just been negative a lot of yesterday and so far this morning. I'm ok though right?
I also am worried that I may be bipolar. Like I might have one of the worst forms of bipolar disorder and I'm just going to loose it! Like what if I just start halusinating? What if I have a nervous breakdown? My thoughts race so much all day that its hard for me to ever find peace doing anything! Could that just be anxiety or does it sound like something more? Does racing thoughts cause nervous break downs?
Somebody please tell me you have felt this way before!!!!!!!
Post Edited (Jennara) : 5/16/2009 7:59:07 AM (GMT-6)