i want my life back :(

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Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 87
   Posted 5/19/2009 8:03 AM (GMT -7)   
i dont want to die, but i dont want to live like this. I've been trying so hard lately not to look up anything on the internet or even go on the internet at all. I've been trying to ignor this horrible anxiousness and pretend like its gone in hopes that it will leave. I need to know if it's ever going to go away? I know everyone says there isnt a "cure", but am i ever going to be happy again? sometimes i get to thinking that now that i know how far my brain can take my body i'll never be able to get back to normal.
I do have times when im not so anxious, and there are moments when i feel completely normal but they literally last like a minute. Im seeing a psychiatrist, reading a cognative therapy book, forcing myself to eat well, taking clonazepam and doing yoga but im still having such a hard time. it's been 3 months now i dont know how to handle it at this point.
you know how people say "you just have to fight it until it ends"...what do they mean by "fight it"? If i just knew what to do to fight it i'd fight and fight and fight.....or is it just a waiting game???
somebody please tell me theres a light at the end of the tunnel.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 7062
   Posted 5/19/2009 10:30 AM (GMT -7)   

Sorry to hear you are finding things hard with your anxiety at the moment, I have had problems with anxiety for as long as I can remember and often struggle with coming to terms with having a mental illness and often wonder if I will ever get back to normal so can relate to what you wrote in your post. I think you are doing all the right things you are seeing a phychiatrist and reading a cognative therapy book which are good steps to off taken, Talk therapy such as CBT have good results with people with anxiety related mental illness and there is a free website called moodgym which I have used and found helpful.

I have had some therapy in the past and im waiting to have some CBT which I think will be a huge help to me, there is light at the end off the tunnel and we can all get there but need to learn the skills to keep our anxiety under control. I hope things improve for you soon and keep posting here as we can support you through this so stick in there.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 5/19/2009 12:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey! Personally, I think you've been on the Clonazepam too long. Usually they only let you take tranquilizers for a short time or as needed. But I'm sure your psychiatrist knows what they're doing. You need an anti-depressant or maybe Buspar. Call and see what they can give you. You are doing all the right things as Ben said.

You actually don't "fight" anxiety. You must give in to it. Relax when you feel anxiety or panic coming. Accept it and the symptoms. They can not harm you, they only scare the heck out of ya. Find a phrase that works for you while you're feeling anxious. Maybe, "I'm okay", or "This can not harm me." Whatever phrase feels right for you. Say it often while the anxiety/panic are running through your body.

Also, it sounds like you need to watch what your saying to yourself on an everyday basis. Wear a rubber band on your wrist and everytime you think about anxiety or in a negative way, snap the rubber band. You will feel better soon!!
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
60 mg. Prozac, Ativan as needed.
"The part can never be well unless the whole is well." Plato

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 39
   Posted 5/19/2009 12:46 PM (GMT -7)   
i'm so sorry you feel this way.....i used to feel the exact same way that you do....by "fighting" it, that just means not to let this panic get the best of you.  talk yourself out of it and know that it is,in fact - just panic....
belive me, i know what you are going thru......
counseling and keeping busy will get you thru this.........
we're here for you.....
i usually find myself saying that i want my life back too......i feel so sad for you, but you will get thru this...

New Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 5/20/2009 7:58 AM (GMT -7)   
hi you people are not alone, anxiety can cause a lot of distress... my are related to long hours of work, i developed ibs, fibromyalgia (but i grew out of it), and anovulation, from the three ibs is worst nightmare. Ibs constipation is the worst you can thing of, i wished it was ibs -diharrea, because ibs-c, you get cramps you cannot have a normal life like before, you cannot eat fats because that would worsen ibs..i lost some weight also.. although i'm still in shape which means i'm not underweight but i was told to get rid of ibs i must fight stress. with such long hours, no time to spend some holidays alone , not much time for myself, no good collegues..it's hard~~! i'm going through useless tests which included: CA125, 4 tvus, smear test, full body ultrasound, breast exams, emg neurological exams, all normal, i'm now scheduled for a gastroscopy and a possible mri of the abdomin/pelvis. but if gastrocopy results normal; probably i would undergo a barium xray of the small bowel. depends on what they find i stay in hospital or am discharged obviosly if they find i'm fit they will send me back home, then i need to find a counsiller (everyone's openion is that i should seek phsyciatric help) but i don't think it would help much if i don't do anything about my current situation at work.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 546
   Posted 5/21/2009 7:50 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree with Aries, you shouldn't fight it.  When you feel them coming on, you need to just let them happen, they will pass faster and will be less intense.  I learned to just let them come and do their thing and then they are gone.  When I tried to fight them, I always lost...they were worse and more intense.  I hope you feel better soon.
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.
-Mother Teresa-
Dx:  Anxiety, Depression
RX:  Klonopin .5mg

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