I am sorry you are in a bad place right now but I am wondering if perhaps you would stick with us and let us help, you would do better.
You know all the right things you need to do to get past your problems with Alcohol and I am sorry you have had a set back but pick yourself up and get to an AA meeting.
Think about what you have to look forward to. Write a list and put it where you can see it. Try lending an ear to someone in need. Be especially kind to people with whom you have only one encounter—a waiter, a taxi driver, a store clerk. You may have only one chance to be kind.
Start to help others and you will find great satisfication in your accomplishments. It will give you a purpose to keep moving forward. With each post you respond to here you are helping others. Come here instead of taking that next drink.
I wish you peace.