When you think things are going well.

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Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 341
   Posted 5/22/2009 10:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Well as reported earlier. I'm an auntie again. She is doing really well expect she does not like to be put down. So they are "dealing" with that problem.. LOL
My brothers ex girlfriend who is still very close to my mom and I. Gave birth to a baby boy last night at 9:08pm. He is a very healthy boy! And should be home sometime Saturday!
Both mom and son are doing just great. She did an all most natural delivery. Her weight prevented most drugs from being used.

Anyway, Thats the good news.

My hubby got a call tonight from his mom. His granddad is in the hospital with an almost induced coma. Its bordering coma. We found out tonight that he has been there since tuesday. His family is this way. His granddad does not want people to fret over him or lose sleep/worry etc. Infact he probably would of preferred that non of us knew at all. When he had a really bad stroke and was in the hospital no one knew expect for his girlfriend. Not even my mother in law knew as she was on vacation. We did not find out until she got back and called my hubby.
He is suffering from phenomena a really bad case. So much that is lungs are filling with flood and he can't breath on his own. So the girlfriend put him on a ventilator against his wishes. The doc swears he will have granddad back to normal in 7-10 days. So she believed him and did it.
Granddad never wanted to live by machines.

Now with that said. I'm glad she is taking the risk and trying to get him better. I love granddad to no end and my kids do as well. He helped raise my husband and is a wonderful wonderful man. My MIL is going to call hubby tomorrow if they bring granddad out of his deep sleep so hubby can see him.
I don't think I can go. I just can't handle these types of things. I feel horrible and selfish for even thinking about myself in this situation. But I can already feel myself getting anxious over this. I need to go with hubby to support him. He needs me right now and I'm freaking out. I've called and talked to my mom about this and she agree's I should be there to support him and his family.

BUT HOW? How do I get past my fears. And these are my biggest fears. My mom had neck surgery and had a really really hard time breathing. And they were concerned about her. And I couldn't even go in the room to see her. I just couldn't make myself do it. She of course understood. But I have yet to forgive myself for not seeing her. It was so wrong of me to not go in and comfort her.

So I called my mom and told her about granddad. And she gives me the news about my grandma (step) who lives in Colo. Well she is on her "last Leg" as my mom put it. She has not eaten in 4 days and is in the hospital. And is not doing very well at all. She refuses to eat or drink. She can not walk and is in a lot of pain. So my Uncle does not think she is going to make it.

Now I'm having pains in my lower abdomen. Been having them for 3 days now. I'm spotting alittle. And the first thing that comes to mind is ovarian cancer. I'm so freaked out about this that it stopped mom and I from going and visiting the new baby. (She thinks it was the weather).
I haven't told hubby about this at all. And with the news today. I don't need to lay another problem on him.
I haven't went to a gyno in 10 years. Doctors scare the dickens out of me. And now I need to go. But I sit here hoping it will just go away. Fix itself. But what if it doesn't? cry
We can't afford surgery, doctor visits, etc. With all this and now me. I'm Stressed to the max. I just want to curl up some where and cry. But my kids are still up so they are keeping me in check until they fall asleep or I do.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/23/2009 6:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Hugs to you and I am sorry you are  going through a rough time. 
First of all spotting can be a sx of many things but it is not necessarily a sx of ovarian cancer.  This is a cancer that has no sx until it is in an advanced stage.  Make an appointment to see your Physician and I am wondering when you had your last Pap test? Try not to over think what is going on with you as you will be sure to fall into the "what if mode". Stay in the moment and do not worry about the past, tommorow will be here soon enough so take a big breath and just stop the spinning thoughts.
You can do this.
I wish you peace,


Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Depression,  & 
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 341
   Posted 5/23/2009 8:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Kitt,

My last pap was gosh about 10 years ago. So it adds to the worry.
I'll make a doc's appt monday. See who he can send me to.

No new word on granddad. or my mom's stepmom.

I finally was able to fall asleep last night. My son is so sweet. He knew mommy wasn't feeling right and offered to lay with me and watch a movie. I of course thought I was having a stroke last night as my leg, arm felt numb and heavy. But yet I had full range of sensitivity. Took me some time to finally force myself to get past it and fall asleep. Focus breathing and imagery was not working.
But having my son with me and a movie in the back ground helped. Garfield is so cute it was a good pick by my son.
He is only 9 and sometimes can amaze you with his sensitivity to how I feel. I of course try my best to not show that I'm not doing well. But he always seems to sense it. He will come give me hugs and say mommy I love you. And give me a big hug. Out of the blue. He does it. None of my other girls do. But he makes sure I know it everyday and several times a day.
Hes a good kid!

On another note. My power supply went out last night so my comp is out of action. So I'm on hubby's which I HATE his keyboard.. It is the worst. But when your life revolves around a computer I think I can suck it up for a little while..lol
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