Udpate after visit with my therapist

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Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 114
   Posted 5/23/2009 12:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Wow, so much has happened to me in the last 48 hours! I met with my new therapist yesterday. I like her personality and she really listened to what I had to say.  We are beginning CBT in a few weeks. I'm very excited about this.
We also discussed meds. She really thinks I need an a/d short-term to help me deal with the anxiety and if I can get that somewhat under control, that will help me progress with CBT. She prescribed Celexa. I am supposed to work up to 20mg a day within a couple of weeks. She also gave me a script for .5mg Klonopin wafers. I can take up to 2 at a time and they apparently are not supposed to knock me out as bad as Xanax or Valium would so I can pop them at work if I am having panic issues.
I still have my reservations and fears about taking an a/d again, but if she thinks it will help me, then it is probably for the best. All I know is that I cannot continue as I have been. I'm too emotionally exhausted and stressed out from constant worrying. Good thing, too, is that Celexa is an SSRI that she says has a very low chance of worsening my IBS symptoms and she says some of her IBS/anxiety/depression patients actually find it helps them. At this point, rather than debate the "what ifs" in my head, I have resolved just to take it and see how it goes. The worst that can happen is that it doesn't work for me and I stop taking it. It doesn't have the freaky withdrawal effects like Effexor, or so she told me. I am also comforted in knowing I don't have to take it long - she thinks approximately 6 mo to 9mos.
My brother's wedding is this afternoon which is of course stressful, but very exciting! It's a good stress. I can appreciate good stress :)
However, my boyfriend's mother got her test results back from her body scan yesterday. It seems so apropos that as I'm celebrating my brother's wedding, my boyfriend is learning that his mom is probably going to die..and soon. The body scan shows that she has cancer in her brain, lungs, liver and all over her pelvic region. She has advanced lung cancer, the doc thinks. She goes to see an oncologist on Tuesday to see what sort of treatment, if any, she needs.
My boyfriend is freaking out, as expected. He is insisting we drive to see his mom tomorrow for the night. She lives about 4 hours away. I feel awful for saying it but I really don't want to go. I have only met her one time and I guess I just feel weird about going to see her when she's all doped up on pain meds and feeling awful. I feel as if my bf and his dad and sister should just be there tomorrow to hang out with her and talk...probably cry and discuss the future. I feel like that's too intimate a setting for me to take part in. Does that make sense? I mean, if I knew her better and knew she felt comfortable having me see her like that and knew his family felt comfortable letting down their defenses and crying in front of me, I'd be okay with going.
But, my bf is insistent that I go. He wants his mom to know that he is okay, that he loves me, that he will be okay when she dies, etc. Honestly, I would rather stay put and spend time tomorrow with my parents and extended fam who are in town for the weekend for the wedding. I will definitely go if he needs me, but I just don't feel like it's the right thing to do.
What should I do? Thanks for reading all this...it feels good just to get it all out!!

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/23/2009 1:06 PM (GMT -6)   

Hey there, I am glad you are going on the medication as I think that sounds very reasonable. 

Enjoy the wedding as this is your brother's big day and he deserves happiness and to have you there to celebrate with him.

I can understand why your bf is upset and if you can deal with it I would suggest you grant him his wish to go with him to visit his Mother.  He needs support right now and if he feels his Mother seeing that he is OK will bring her some peace of mind it is a fair request.  He also needs you now and this is where the caring, sharing and love come into a relationship.

My sister's dying wishes were to know that her adult children would be ok with out her, she was even worried about me and I told her what she needed to hear...........that Yes, I would be OK.  I am most of the time but I lied a bit when I told her that as I miss her something awful and the pain is so bad on some days.  But I will keep my promise and move on and be OK.

I hope this makes sense to you.  Of course I would never judge you for whatever decision you make for yourself.  We all do what we can and that is all anyone can expect of us.  We are human.

Hugs to you



Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Depression,  & 
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
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Forum Moderator

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 7349
   Posted 5/24/2009 5:45 AM (GMT -6)   
Sounds like you have made some good decisions and im sure you will have great results with the cbt which is a good therapy.  I used to be on Celexa 60mg it did not help me but every one is different and i hope it helps you with your symptoms,  give it time to work which could be upto six weeks I did not get an withdrawal symptoms when i switched to a different medication.  Good luck with the cbt and enjoy the wedding let us know how you get on.
Take care

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 114
   Posted 5/24/2009 1:43 PM (GMT -6)   

Thanks so much Kitt and Ben!

Kitt- I decided yesterday that I would definitely go, for the reasons you stated. I know how important it is for someone who is dying to know that the people he or she is leaving behind are going to be alright. It will be difficult for me, but this is not about me. This is about my boyfriend and his family and I will be there to support and comfort him. Thanks for sharing your feelings and experiences with me. I know that what you went through was very painful and is never ever easy, but your perspective on the situation is very wise and heartfelt. Thank you.

I am going to start taking Celexa tomorrow when we get home, just in case it makes me feel icky. I don't want to be dealing with that while traveling and visiting. I hope that it will work for me.

The wedding WAS wonderful!! A beautiful night full of family and friends. I was so proud of my brother and so very happy to celebrate such a happy occassion!

Check in again soon...

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/24/2009 5:50 PM (GMT -6)   


I am very proud of you and you have made good choices. ((((((((HUGS)))))))))).

I am glad the wedding was all that you hoped for and more.  Congratualtions to the happy couple.

I have always done what you doing, not starting a new med away from home so smart move.......you are a 10 out of 10 in my book. 

Blessings to you,


Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 5/26/2009 7:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Well, here's my two cents. In June of 2008, my father-in-law passed away. I don't do dead bodies or funerals. The last funeral I attended was over twenty years ago and I left due to a panic attack. Anyway, I went with my husband to say goodbye to his father. The body was still in the convalescent home. We prayed around him and I even kissed him goodbye. I'm still amazed I was able to do all that.

The point is, I felt great being by my husband's side. He had some tears, of course, and I was able to hold him and tell him everything would be okay.

I think you should go. Bring your wafers but only use as needed. I would also bring some good books or any other hobby you may have. Maybe there will be some long moments when the immediate family members want to have alone time and you won't feel bored or awkward.

You'll be glad you made the trip.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
60 mg. Prozac, Ativan as needed.
"The part can never be well unless the whole is well." Plato

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