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New Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 5/27/2009 2:07 AM (GMT -6)   
Im a 39 yr old male with a long history of drug misuse, i have been in and out of treatment centres and still cannot come to terms with my addiction. Recently i have had yet another relapse, i have been prescribed subutex, which i find extremely helpful, but im having to hide it from my wife. I have 3 children who live with us and 2 from a previous relationship who are 21 and 16, they have been through all the dramas that come with addiction and i now feel im letting everyone down yet again. I suffer anxiety and panic attacks and have done for some years which is also one of the reasons i turned to drugs. My doctor has now started prescribing me diazepam which i have been addicted to in the past, and have ended up in more of a rut, ive been in trouble many times with the police and am on probation at the moment. All i want is to get rid of the compulsion to take substances of any kind and live life responsibly.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 7349
   Posted 5/27/2009 6:56 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Dipsy

Welcome to healingwell this is a great forum. I have GAD and also suffer with bad depression and like you have a long history of drug misuse, i also turned to drugs/alcohol to escape my anxiety you could say self medicating but I now know this made my problems with anxiety and depression a lot worse and my mental health really suffered due to this. I can relate to what you wright in your post and know what you are going through so you are not alone and you will find a lot of supportive people here on HW. With me it just got to the point were I new I had to stop the drugs and I did that was about 8yrs ago now but im still suffering the after effects of the misuse of street drugs and feel that period in my life made my mental health a lot worse so please give up the drugs I know it will be hard but there are people who can help you and im sure your doctor will be able to put you in contact with someone. Im still having problems with alcohol but im facing up to these issues and im waiting for a start date for some CBT which is a type of talk therapy which helps you to deal with the issues you are having and is very successful and maybe something you could look into?. Be careful with the diazepam as it can be addictive and my doctor would not prescribe me this med due to my history of drug abuse, just try and take it only when needed I take a similar medication called Temazepam and try and use it only when needed. I wish you all the best my friend and my thoughts are with you. Please keep posting here and let us know how you are getting on.

Take Care


Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/27/2009 9:32 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Dipsy
Hello and Welcome to HealingWell.  I am so sorry you are in this tough spot.  You posted "but im having to hide it from my wife".  May I ask why?  Is it the medication you have to hide or the fact that you are receiving help for opiate dependence?
I would like to believe that she would support you. 
I commend you on recognizing your need to quit the drug abuse and wondering if you are able to attend any sort of support group in person.  Also the Valium is another drug that it is easy to become addicted to but I am sure your physician is using this medication to help you through the withdrawal from the drugs.
Please know that you will find the members here supportive and caring.  I will say a litttle prayer for you and hope that you continue to put one foot in front of the other as you stomp out your need for drugs.
Bless you,

Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Depression,  & 
*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 5/27/2009 2:20 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello, Dipsy!! You are sounding very upset and sad. Instead of the diazepam, have you considered an anti-depressant or Buspar? I know there are medications out there that help people like you and who want to stay off drugs. Talk to your doctor about long term options. They are out there.

Is there anything in your life that may cause you to go back to drugs? If there is, work on that problem/issue. Maybe it's something or someone you need to kick out of your life.

Lastly, I've known people to turn to God for help with addiction and it worked. Maybe if you began with some prayer and speaking to a priest about your problems. You can get through this. You've made the right choice of sobriety and family. Now you just need a little help to keep you on this road to recovery. I'll be praying for you!
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
60 mg. Prozac, Ativan as needed.
"The part can never be well unless the whole is well." Plato

New Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 5/28/2009 8:24 AM (GMT -6)   
Just like to say thank you for your support and Ben i hope you get a handle on your problem with the alcohol, i also Know how distructive it can be as i have an aunt who has a drink problem and sadly feel she may never stop. Kitt In answer to your question about telling my wife, well your right i should but because she has been through this all before with me, i find it hard to tell her i have failed yet again and am pretty sure that the response i get from her could be far from supportive although i suppose it will have to come out one way or another.
Aries8 thank you, i have been on anti-depressants in the past prozac, citalopram and amatriptolin, although helpful i didn't like taking them ( side effects). Thanks for all your prayers, mine are also with you all. Stu
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