I was going to post this in the "Anger turning into Anxiety" thread. Sorry this is going to be long.
Just the other day when I was standing in line at the cash register in a grocery store, there was this couple who was standing in front of me and for some reason they were not moving forward, they just stood there talking, and ignoring the people standing behind them, I don't know if they were doing it on purpose? Anyway, since there was a long line behind me, I had to ask them to move along in line, then the guy shouted furiously "Shut up B***H, we're talking and we're not moving!!" He was a very tall guy and well I almost collapsed and I was terrified and angry at the same time, but I couldn't talk back at him, the store clerk came up to me and told me and the others to stand in line at the other register.
I was feeling sick, I was shaking but managed to get thru. When I walked out of that store, I had this horrible feeling taking over me, I was confused, anxious, and didn't know what to do. I went home somehow and took a shower, spoke to someone on the phone, and tried to get some sleep, but my heart was pounding so fast, I couldn't relax. I took my benzo, and closed my eyes....then in the morning, around 4am? I don't remember exactly, I woke up with a horrible panic attack, my heart rate was probably about 130 bpm. It was crazy!! I seriously thought it was the end and I couldn't control it. Just the day before this incident, a friend (well I thought she was a friend) told me I was "weak for living my life in fear" so that was definitely another trigger.
Anyway, what a day it was! Only a few years ago I lost a very close person, it was a very tragic death, I almost gave up on my own life too, and it took me years to function normally again. It seems like everytime I think I finally found some freedom, it's the same thing all over again. I've been out of work for months, I am trying to get my life back on track again. The job hunting process is of course extremely stressful as I cannot work full time with this d**n panic and anxiety. I had my first full blown panic attack at work, I was taken to the ER in the middle of the day, and I am NOT going thru that again. I had a part time job, in line with my profession, unfortunately though, they don't have any work for me at this moment.
I want my life back!
Thanks for listening!