I have not posted in quite a while, but I feel compelled to respond to you because I have been exactly where you are with alcohol.
When I was in my teens and twenties, alcohol was like a magic potion - it ALWAYS helped my anxiety. In fact, the first drink or two seemed to bring me to a "normal" level where I felt like everyone else. I hated that feeling of jumpiness that was present before I had a few drinks. Unfortunately for me, I usually did not stop at one or two drinks. The feeling of freedom from my anxiety was sooooo wonderful, that I never wanted to stop. Even when my intentions were good, I would end of drinking way too much.
Like you, the next day was hell on earth. My anxiety would come back 5Xs as bad the day after drinking. Of course, my solution was to not schedule anything on Saturdays and Sundays during the day, so I could give myself time to recover. Those recovery days were filled with extreme anxiety mixed with guilt - I would not wish those days on my worst enemy.
To make a long story short, the alcohol stopped working for me. It got to the point that no amount of alcohol could bring me full relief from the anxiety. And, the day after hell turned into two and three days of hell. You can see where this story is going....I ended up on the alcohol / anxiety roller coaster.
Thankfully, I got to the point where I could no longer take the anxiety that came after drinking. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired...I finally went to a meeting of AA.
I write all of this only to tell you MY story....I have no idea if you have the same issues that I have, but I DO know that I self medicated for years thinking that there were no other options.
Finally, I would be lying if I told you that my drinking years were all bad - they were not. There were lots of fun times with good friends. Unfortunately, my magic potion eventually stopped working and I ended up on my couch wishing I could be "normal"
Today I have over 7 years sober. I no longer have to drink to have fun. Believe it or not, I have had some of the wildest times without any alcohol at all!
If you are unsure about your drinking, try limiting yourself to 2 drinks /day or occasion for the next 6 months. No exceptions. When someone told me to do that, I knew I could not - that is how I ended up in a twelve step program.
I wish you the best and hope that you find your answers.
If you want to chat further, let me know and I can send you my email address.
35 year old female (newly married) - Diagnosed w/Crohn's 2002 - Surgery 2004
Currently taking: Pentasa, Entocort, Imuran, Zoloft, Seroquel & Ativan as needed