Ok so I'm starting to realise more and more how much anxiety is ruling my life...how much I actually worry about everything. I have a lot of stress going on in my life at the moment and you know how some days you just want to cry...well one of the things that bugs me most of all is that when I feel like this for some reason I just can't cry. Crying to me is a massive deal and I get so anxious about crying in front of someone else even if I want to. Does that make sense? Its like some occasions I know I just need to let it all out and cry with someone there but I physically can't. And when this happens I get anxious and uncomfortable and sometimes get shaky. For example last night I was chatting to a friend about stuff and I so wanted and needed to cry but just couldn't...then as soon as I left her house and was by myself I cried loads and was so angry with myself for not being able to cry while I was talking.
This is normally just the case when talking about problems, if its something that spontaneously upsets me...hurting myself, or a nasty customer at work etc then its not usually an issue.
The thing is all these emotions are building up inside me and I don't know how to cry and I REALLY want to be able to...if that makes sense?!
22 year old female, from the UK. Diagnosed with Ulcerative Proctitis Jan '08. Hospitalised Jan '09 for 3 days IV Hydrocortisone - had no effect! Hospitalised Feb '09 for 7 days (5 days - IV Hydrocortisone)
Currently taking daily:
20mg Prednisolone tablets, 100mg Azathioprine (started taking 11th May),1g Acetarsol suppository every other night, 1g Mesalazine granules x 2
Motilium (anti sickness), 1.5mg Zopiclone (taken when needed for sleeping), 10mg Citalopram (anti-anxiety/depression), Probiotic Multivitamins