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Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 68
   Posted 6/18/2009 8:39 AM (GMT -6)   
So yesterday was pretty rough, didn't feel so well, very disconnected, felt like I actually wasn't living in my body....but anyways I go pick up my daughter as usual and head home. My fiance got home soon after. I dont my usual routine after work then laid down on the bed for a little while and got up and ate. Sat down with him on the couch, he was acting a little weird so I asked him what was wrong and he just said he wasn't feeling well, he got up to take out the trash and came back in and said he ws going to wash his car at 8pm...i asked why and he said he coulnd't of course I worried. Soon after he came back home and I asked how he was feeling and he said better. We then got into the discussion that he couldn't live like this....with me feeling bad and sick, which totally upset me....he made me feel like it was my fault that I felt like him. he thinks that I just need to be stronger and have a stronger mind frame and just snap out of it...I try to explain how I feel but it's almost impossible if you havne't experienced it. He hasn't even gave me time to go see a therapist and attempt to get bettter. He thinks that our lives are great and we should be happy and GOD knows I'd do anything to have that. I just feel like I'm letting him down and my baby girl down and that I should just disappear somewhere...I really didn't need that, he's been supportive, I guess it's just getting to him, I can understand....I just feel so worse now.....what am I suppose to do????????

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 34
   Posted 6/18/2009 10:01 AM (GMT -6)   
The same sort of situation happened to me with my ex... I was having depression and small anxiety problems and she didn't understand, and wasn't patient enough and got angry at me because it took a while for me to seek therapy.. etc..... Basically all I could do was explain that it was really hard and I was doing the best I could. In the end she was still really pushy and nasty about the whole thing..... instead of being caring, loving, understanding.. which is what I REALLY needed.... anyways, when I think about it now that we aren't together, I am happy I'm not with her, because what a *****, seriously! haha! She didn't deserve me, and I didn't deserve to be treated like that! I hope this doesn't happen to you, but all you can do is explain how difficult it is, tell him he needs to be patient, caring and loving.... and work through it together, as a couple. Maybe even suggest to him to have a few therapy sessions together? He isn't worth it if he isn't going to care for you, to be by your side while going through this, and to love you.

Take care, all the best.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/18/2009 10:37 AM (GMT -6)   


I have read this same problem from so many of our members with every kind of mental health problem and it is sad but so true that others do not understand how we feel. 

I am lucky to have a supportive family but my husband has had his moments and so have my children to the point that I felt guilty and all alone but in the end my husband is my support person even thow he will waver a bit.

If your fiancee' is not dealing with this  it may be wise to step back a bit and do work through your therapy and then talk with him more. I know what it is like to feel all alone and to be told to "get a grip".

In a relationship such as marriage it is for better or worse and running away when things get tough is not a trait you need in the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with.

Perhaps with time he will learn to understand your disorder better which would be wonderful but now he appears to be taking it personally.  Please do not take on responsibility for his feelings.  You are two people each responsible for your own feelings.

Don't give up but do reach out for the help you need.

Gentle Hugs



Moderator: Osteoarthritis & GERD/Heartburn
Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
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"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 341
   Posted 6/18/2009 1:26 PM (GMT -6)   

The best way is to try your best to explain the symptoms you go through.
I explained mine best this way...
You know that feeling you get when your just seconds away from a car accident. You see it happening and you freak out. Hands shake heart races. And you feel out of control. It all happens in a split second. BUT the accident never happens. Infact you totally avoid it. But you are left feeling scared, restless and out of sorts for a while.
That is how we feel during an attack. Scared, shacky, and just plan out of it stressed to know end. Just like in the car. You want to run and not be where your at at that very moment in time. That is how we feel.
The problem being we can NOT just jump out of this "car" and things be ok. We have to work through it both mentally and physically. And it reeks havioc in our minds and body.
If we were actually in that accident it would be different. We would be able to help in the situation. Instead we are stuck on a roller coaster of mind games. Mind says your in trouble. Body agree's. We react to this "feeling" that something is going to or is happening. Just like that almost car accident that never happened.

Yes I understand that anxiety is a huge strain on relationships. My parents had a really hard time dealing with my dad's anxiety when he went full blown anxiety depression and PA's. It lasted for 3 years. He didn't work. Was very rough on us kids. And treated my mom like dirt. But my mom (the wonderful supporting person she is) stuck it out. Worked with my dad the best she could. And is still with him to this day. This was back in the early 80's when anxiety was still a "fake" symptom and only one doctor in town knew what it was and was able to help my dad.

If he is not willing to stick with you through thick and thin. Sickness and health then he is not the person you need around. It is 10x harder on anxiety/pa people to deal with relationships when the spouse is not and will not be supportive.
I do think you should sit down and explain to the best of your ability what you go through what you expect from him. And find out what he wants what he expects from you.
My hubby and I had this talk. He understands that there will be nights that I need him up pacing with me. Hell I could careless if he is watching t.v as long as he is up. I'm best left alone but "watched" when my panic hits home. He understands that if I need him he needs to be there for me. He also knows that (and he asks all the time) I will let HIM know if I need his help or if I need to be left alone.
Just knowing he is willing to stand by me helps me make it through the rough times.

And that is what you need. Understanding. I had a really hard time explaining to Dh what I was going through. But when I used the example above he totally grasped it. And now knows the feeling I do when I have my "Spazzing" moments. (as he calls them). He will even joke around with me after its done. "So honey was it a mustang and Corvette" in this race? (Meaning really bad)
" Nope dear this one was a Pinto and a Chevette and the Pinto broke down". (Not so bad)

open and honest. Is the only way to make a relationship work. You can fight this alone. But having a supportive other is always better.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 68
   Posted 6/18/2009 2:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Allestaria that was really helpful. Thank You. I know it's hard on him. I mean he's never been around anything like this or dealt with this. He's really never been in a true "relationship" excpet for me and then we both had our first child so everything is just different. But last night when he almost had a panic attack that was eye opening to me becuase like he said he has never had those, he's very laid back and "chilled" so I def don't want to cause him or anyone to have those....I'd never wish that on anyone. But just like when we talked I told him that the feeling he got, cause he almost wanted to go to the ER, is the filling that I live with everyday...but he overcame it with little to no effort. I guess that after my therapist appt next week I'll see what I think and feel then we'll have a sit down talk and see where things go. It's not just him and I we have a 8 month old that has to be taken into consideration we'll see.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 6/18/2009 2:50 PM (GMT -6)   
maybe try family counceling then all of you can work thnigs out. also try suggesting alone time.. each of you gets an hour alone every so often hours, so he can get some space to hun. He can be feeling what you are feeling sweety.
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Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 6/18/2009 4:02 PM (GMT -6)   
Welcome to my world. Sometimes my husband will get angry during one of my "attacks" or he'll be supportive. Personally, I wouldn't marry him until this is all resolved. Problems before a marriage only carry over into it. Maybe you can take him with you to one of your therapy sessions? The therapist can speak to him alone and resolve any of his questions/concerns.

Many men become angry or become distant when they feel helpless. This may be the case for your fiance. I wouldn't worry yet. Try the things that have been suggested and see how the situation goes. I wish you the best of luck. Also, please remember that anxiety is not your fault. Don't start blaming yourself or your anxiety will get worse. You're a good person and you can get through this with your fiance.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
60 mg. Prozac, Ativan as needed.
"Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets." Paul Tournier

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