Thanks to all of you. It helps so much to type it all out and hear some responses from people who understand. I really don't think this is "typical" hormonal changes, but I guess everyone is different. I'd love it if she just "grew out" of this. It has been going on for years and I don't see it as just the adolescent rollercoaster. I worry it will be something she struggles with for years to come. It's hard enough for anyone to have their expectations shattered, but when her comfort in stability is so closely tied in to those expectations being as she planned... life could be really hard.
I had never considered Aspergers. I am familiar with it as I have a friend and also know the father of an Asperger's girl (and autistic boy). She is quite social and so I didn't think much about
that. But, like everything else, I suppose everything manifests slightly differently in all kids.
Today I did stop the behavior by setting the rules (even before I read your post, Kitt!) She does want the streaks darker, so we are going to get them done. She was wanting it done today but I said absolutely not. I needed a break from the intensity of the way the streaking activity had gone. So we scheduled an appointment. This gives her the ability to look forward to it and me the ability to control when it happens.
The worse problem is her fear of being late. I mean, that sounds nutty to say. It's great that she respects schedules and school rules. But, you'd think the world will end if she's 30 seconds late. The kick is that I've never, ever in all her years in elementary school, gotten her to school late. I learned early on that it just complicated my life to come anywhere near pushing the "late" button. (She screams and cries hysterically with teh "what ifs" - "But what IF we're late?" As we end up arriving 5 minutes early. It's not at all grounded in reality. The reality is that we always leave before it's necessary. The reality is that if she's a few seconds late, or even a minute late, it's elementary school. It's fear of embarrassment, the teacher being mad, all the "what ifs". I toyed with the idea of forcing a "late" arrival so that she'd see it "wasn't a big deal." then I decided that it was easy enough to just get to school 5 minutes early and sit in the car until they
opened the doors to the school. (Mind you, the kids are not even allowed in the school until the "first bell" rings. They are not late until 5 minutes after when the "tardy bell" rings. We get there 5 min before the first bell and sit to wait. This usually eliminates or reduces the anxiety in the morning. This seems out of whack to me.
I don't want to cater to it - give her what she's looking for and encourage the fits - but I also want to be supportive understanding that it's all real to her. This morning, I helped with the requests that were reasonable. When she made an unreasonable request (like I NEEDED to take off that blue spot before she could do anything else) I declined. It was just postponing everything else for an irrational request and therefore fulfilling the fear of being late.
Anyway, I guess I will get her into see a therapist. I just wish I could help her myself, but I just don't think I can. I try to be patient without coddling... It gets hard sometimes.
Thanks again. I love my girl - she's absolutely amazing - perfect student, sweet, loving to me, and understanding of my Crohn's. But, yes, she is very hard on herself - a perfectionist.
--female dx as UC in '04 (1st symptoms in '03), switched to Crohn's in '05, 1 fistula, crohn's colitis, limited to large intestine --rejected (reaction/didn't work): Asacol, AZA, 6-MP, MTX, Remicade, Humira, prednisone, Tysabri
--Prochymal in Phase III study (can't wait til it's approved!)
--Compounded budesonide 3mg/daily, Started Cimzia first dose 2/10/09. Dx Osteoporosis 10/08 started Forteo 1/27/09