thank you all so much for all the support and advice, i really feel a lot better. I'm not as stressed as i was about seeing the doc and last night i talked some things through with my husband.
I wrote down random words and sentances as i just can't get the words out sometimes. I have also written down stuff for the doc as i know once i go in there i'ii freeze, as i have done on many other occasions when i was trying to look for help.
I was feeling such a failure as i am also experiencing primary infertility and the thoughts of not being able to give my husband the family we both desire is getting to me, expecially as the problem lies with me, despite hormone treatment i'm still not pregnant.
The positive side is maybe it's not meant to happen till i sort out my mental health. I read that concieving is very hard if you're in a constant state of stress and anxiety as it messes with all the hormones, including reproductive.
I don't want to take any meds while i'm trying to concieve, i'm off my pain meds so that doesn't help. There are no resources where i live for counselling, there is only private. To go public it's a really long waiting list in which i would be seeing the same psychiatrist as my bipolar sister.
I had a psyche evaluation about 5 years ago as i was thinking of starting a family then and wanted to come off anti depressants and the psychiatrist asked me should people like me really be having children, needless to say that put me off for a while. Now at 32, i feel time is running out and it's my fault for listening to her and putting it off.
I can see light on the horizon, and that's the main thing, thank you all again.
BikeBoo, biking with my boo since 1999
Of all the things i've lost, i miss my mind the most!
Fibro and spinal arthritis, trying to mange it with diet, exercise and accepting my limits, as i'm allergic to EVERYTHING!
TTC NO1 since Jan08