Hey April, your not new here, but Ive never had the pleasure of speaking to you, so its nice to meet you.
But, I wanted to say something to you because I know EXACTLY how you feel. I promise I do. I usually post on the depression forum and I have a post working there right now. ("need to talk") In case you want to check it out and see what I mean. But anyways... I am the same way, I just started a new med a few weeks ago and I had higher expectations and they havent been met, not even half way. My mood swings have been as extreme up and down, rather they are mostly down constantly.
I feel very alone. Even when I vent on here. I do it because I know people here understand and I want to talk about
it... but I still feel more alone than ever. I have friends, but they are drifting away now that I have graduated. Everyone is moving in different directions. And making new friends is completely impossible for me because Im not social. Im always depressed and dont want to do anything. And when I do, Im quiet. So, I cant make friends at all. I try really hard, but it just never works.
I talked with my psychiatrist yesterday and he said some inspiring things and I was happy with what he said, but it wasnt a fix. BEcause last night I had a huge breakdown crying and even rage. Of course, I hide these from everyone, except on here. When I go back in a month I will most likely end up adding an additional med to try to help, unless a miracle happens before then. Or unless I end up calling for an earlier appt...
Well, I just wanted to let you know that you arent alone out there. And your not going through this alone. Im not so sure what to do either... We all just want it to end and get better so we can be "normal".... I hope this helped some. I wanted to try. I just dont want you to feel alone. Even if I do, I know the people on here understand more than anyone else. So, keep posting and venting. Let it all out... you can at least count on the fact that I am here for you, as Im sure many others are as well.
Take Care, and let me know if you need to talk....
Lyrica (15 months-quit Feb. 09), Paxil (10 months-quit 6-4-09), Started Cymbalta 6-6-09, Rozerem, Melatonin Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks-currently in therapy-new pdoc-possible Borderline Personality Disorder... "Cracks
in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart
"Sometimes it is best to forget
what you feel
what you deserve