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New Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/10/2009 6:10 AM (GMT -6)   
I last posted on this site a couple months ago. My condition is drug dependancy.
Im really struggling with day to day life. I had some really good advice here the last time i posted but things are getting worse. I take subutex for heroin abuse, diazepam for well i say panic disorder but really addiction  I go to the gym often and have done on and off for years, but really again, addiction. Physically i appear in good shape, but mentally im in a really bad place. In the past i have had three suicide attempts, ( crys for help ) lately these thoughts have been coming back. Im nearly 40 and have achieved nothing in life other than fathering 3 great kids, who i love dearly, but again the result of my addiction, as whenever i do get clean  i met my current partner the mother of my daughter, in a de-tox centre. Now however i have no desire for sex and my partner still has no idea im using drugs and i still can't bring myself to tell her. the real reason is i am so unhappy deep down and even though i know i can get help, and am getting help, it feels like im going round in circles, i so desperately want a career, something to make everyone proud of me, especially my mother and want my kids to look up to me and be a positive role model not a secret prescription drug abuser without a job.......................HELP confused
I deleted parts of your post but tried to leave your message intact.
1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use or exchange, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm).  Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.
Due to the anonymity of the site and the fact that this is a peer support group and not responsible for calling any authority on any member that threatens suicide, we strongly encourage members to call the hotline , 911, a family member or a friend, or to check themselves in to the local hospital emergency room.

National Suicide Hotline
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.

Thank you in advance for you understanding.

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 7/10/2009 8:09:20 AM (GMT-6)

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 341
   Posted 7/10/2009 7:02 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Dipsy,

Well I can say your having some rough thinkin going on here. And you should try your best to put a stop to the "everyone is better off without me". Because that is a total crock of poo. Your kids would be devastated with you leaving them behind. Someone they need, love and wish to learn from just dumping them to take the "easy road" out of life. Not a good idea.

You know, and admit to having a drug problem Now the step is to correct it. Be honest with yourself and your loved ones. You can not successfully beat this ugly monster while living in a closet. I can't say I understand what you go through with drug abuse as I have never been there. Nor dealt with anyone who is. So I'm sorry for not being able to totally understand.

But don't worry about everyone else. YOU come first. You can not be successful if you don't do it for yourself first. Yes having a career and making everyone else around you happy is an added bonus. But its not worth it if your not happy also.
So take the steps you know you need to and get the deed done.

You sound like a very smart person. You have your head on straight. But you have drugs blocking you from doing what you truly want, need, wish to do. So now its time to take the next step. I understand drug with drawl is hard to go through. But you can do it. You did it once before. Second time around you go in with a stronger will and better understanding and a mind, body you can set up to be successful. Plant that strong head of yourself into something you want to do. Kick the habit to the curb and let the true you come forward.

I wish you luck and please find the help you so desperately need. Talk to your loved ones. Talk to others who have lost someone to suicide and you will see how selfish it is. And the mess they would leave behind. It is very very hard on everyone.

You are again a strong willed person. Take that and run with it.

take care and let us know how things are going.


Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/10/2009 9:25 AM (GMT -6)   

Good Morning Dipsy,

In your original post you talked of keeping your addiction and feelings from your wife.  I hope by now you have reached out to her for help and shared your problems with her.

Also I would really like to see you talking to your Doctor to set  up a plan to help you kick your habits.  I know the one drug I took out of your post is rarely prescribed by a physician therefore I am worried about where you are getting the drugs. 

I do believe your coming here posting is a plea for help and I wish we could do more then advise you but in this case it is something you must want to stop doing.........drugs.
Please do check out this web link:
I want you to know we support you and believe that you are a good and caring person that has a nasty problem.  However with a lot of hard work on your behalf you can beat this problem and remember giving up is never the answer. 
Be brave and talk to someone who can help you get into rehab, into therapy and you will kick your habit.
One day at a time my friend.



Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~* *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 64
   Posted 7/10/2009 9:33 AM (GMT -6)   
I think therapy would help a lot. Maybe, you can get a therapist to explain the situation to your wife. I think the therapist would do a great job at it. And, maybe, you guys can both see the therapist together. Have you ever considered marriage counselling? I'm not saying that I think your marriage is bad in your anything, I'm just thinking that marriage counsellors deal with abuse too (correct me if I'm wrong). I don't have any experience with this. I only have experience in seeing a therapist for my GAD. He's been good because I get to vent a lot and he gives me pretty good advice. Maybe you can give that a try?

Also, you might want to try to wean yourself off? That might help too. For instance go as long as you can without doing any drugs, and don't beat yourself if you feel yourself abusing again. No one is perfect, so don't beat yourself about it.

Also, are you functioning? I mean if you are functioning, I don't really see what the problem is. Can you go several days or weeks without doing it?
"Getting an idea should be like sitting down on a pin; it should make you jump up and do something."  -E. L. Simpson
General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) with Agoraphobia
Zoloft (100 mgs) daily
Trazadone (50 mgs) nightly
Xanax (1.25 mgs) as needed at night

New Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 7/10/2009 9:37 AM (GMT -6)   
Well I have had a lot of the same thoughts like the wanting to make people proud of me and doing something with my life. Im only twenty but i realized that this isnt a bad thing it gives me a drive to make things happen rather than sit back. So just use that to push yourself and you have to remain positive because good things will happen. As for the addiction that can be tough to break especially if your trying to go through it alone. I know that you may feel ashamed of it but im sure your family and friends would be supportive and that would help you so much. Ill be praying for you. God bless.
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