I am confused :/

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New Member

Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/17/2009 8:12 PM (GMT -6)   
I don't know why but I always feel a little socially inept. Everytime I go and hang out with friends other than my boyfriend I feel uncomfortable. Its irritating and somewhat depressing. I know my friends like me and care about me but I cant help but overanalyze the situation sometimes. I have no problem introducing myself to new people but once I see them again, I don't know what to talk about. and I am generally silent when hanging out with a group of friends. And I don't want my friends to think I don't want them around.
I don't feel right. I've had this feeling my whole life, I thought eventually I would grow out of it but its still there.

Even speaking about it makes me feel uncomfortable and nervous. Its something that has been kind of trapped in the back of my mind ever since I was kid, and now when I am realizing I need to face this anxiety problem face to face its giving me a little more anxiety.
It is just confusing and a little embarassing :/

Its almost pathetic how I don't know how to carry on a conversation. And people think I am being rude when I don't deliver in conversations. I can be outgoing, but I honestly feel like a big dork sometimes because everyone is staring. I just feel insignificant sometimes.

Sorry I know it sounds overdramatic. But this is how I feel and I don't know how to surpress my problem all the time.

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2003
Total Posts : 81
   Posted 8/17/2009 11:10 PM (GMT -6)   
It sounds like you have a little bit of social phobia.  I often feel that way myself.  Do you find yourself worrying about things you said afterwards?  Do you worry that maybe it didn't come out exactly right, or worry what others might think of you or something you said?  You can drive yourself crazy analyzing yourself and the situation after an event with people.  
Since I am rather introverted, I always feel more comfortable getting the other person or persons to do the talking.  The best way to do that is to ask questions of interest.  Talk about things in their life and then try to remember what they said.  That way, when you see them again, you can remember something about them and start your conversation there.   It's sort of like picking up where you left off.
You have friends and you have a boyfriend; so you must be doing something right!  Try to focus on those positive things instead of worrying so much about how you come across. 
Diagnosed with: seizure disorder in 1962; seizure-free since 1969, anorexia from 1968-1969; IBS-D in 1996, Mild depression, anxiety, & OCD in 2000, (probably had since childhood); PMDD in 2001, Dysfunctional tear syndrome in 2009; Meds: Phenobarbitol, Paxil, Allegra; Supplements: Citrucel tablets; many vitamins, minerals & herbs - too many to list here

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 341
   Posted 8/18/2009 3:34 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Wisp,

I can totally understand your situation. I have had the same problem. Your peers seem superior to you. Yet they are friends and some close. You still feel out of sorts. Kinda like you don't fit in.
Worried about saying the wrong thing. Worried about being accepted. Wondering if what you have to say is as important as the next person.

What caused this problem for me. Was my parents when we were little always taught us, to not speak unless spoken to. And we were not included in adult conversations. Us kids had to stay out of the "game" room while the adults played and not bother them or the other people. We were not important enough to be included. (is how I felt)

So because of this. I feel threatened by adults. I am great with kids. Because I don't feel like I have to compete. But when it comes to my peers. I feel well left out. Because my parents taught me this way. I am to be quiet and not speak unless spoke to. So when the conversation comes around that I can enjoy. I have a very hard time speaking my mind. I instead will sit in the side lines and wait until someone asks me directly.

If this is the same situation or simlair I would see if you can get into seeing a therapist. They can help you find your "root" to the problem And maybe help you over come it.

Take Care

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/18/2009 5:08 AM (GMT -6)   

Hello Wisp,

I am sorry you are having this problem but it is very common so don't feel alone.  You are in good company.

It's normal to feel nervous and awkward in some social situations. For some people, though, common, everyday social situations cause extreme anxiety, fear and self-consciousness.

Social anxiety disorder typically persists for life, often waxing and waning. But don't lose hope. Treatment can help you control symptoms and become more confident and relaxed in social situations.

The two most effective types of treatment are medications and a form of psychotherapy called cognitive behavior therapy. For the greatest effectiveness, they're often used in combination.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy is based on the idea that our thoughts cause our feelings and behaviors, not external things, like people, situations, and events. The benefit of this fact is that we can change the way we think to  feel / act better even if the situation does not change.

There is a free online CBT that many of the members have used, the MoodGYM  :


I would give this course a try but please remember it is hard work and you must go at your own pace.

Coping with social anxiety disorder can be challenging. Having social anxiety disorder can make it difficult for you to go to work or school, to interact with other people, or even to visit the doctor. But maintaining connections and building relationships are key ways to help cope with any mental disorder.  ( Reference/Mayo)

I wish you peace and happiness,



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Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 8/20/2009 12:39 AM (GMT -6)   
Yes i felt like that too. I found i would overanalyze all the interactions with friends & relatives, and then had trouble forming a bond with anyone because of the anxiety this created. Hence i became avoidant and quite lonely.

What i found worked was taking Paxil and finding some positive self thoughts. The Paxil made my brain quiet and my positive thoughts made me want to be around people.

The effect kind of wore off after a few years and I became anxious again and i stopped taking Paxil. But basically taking medication was pretty useful and effective.
Male, 33yrs, Australia

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Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 8/20/2009 12:57 AM (GMT -6)   
Yes, my social anxiety has crippled my social life. I can't make friends. Although I am and always have been involved in a lot of social situations I am still perpetually lousy at interracting with people. It really is a struggle to make initial eye contact, initiate any sort of conversation, and join in. Some people are kind and make the first move, but others think I am avoiding them on purpose and avoid me! And the ones that try to get me to talk when I don't respond very conversationally (??) usually end up avoiding me too. Not to mention my nervousness usually causes me to say some really dumb stuff. Can't say I blame them.
Be very very thankful for your friends and enjoy them! As was said you must be doing something right!
Peace to you!

New Member

Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 9/1/2009 3:40 AM (GMT -6)   
I have social phobia and i know exactly how you feel
I felt crippled and different and inadequate for years!
i would avoid doing things i really enjoyed because i was anxious or scared or anticipating, what? i dont know ! i knew that the worst thing that could happen is that we have a few akward moments, but it terrified me, unlogically!
i would freak out if i was left alone with one person, if we were 3 and one of us had to use the bathroom or go gt someting, it would mortify me!
whats worse is that whenever i tried explaining it to someone or reaching out they just looked at me funny and thought i just wanted attention
I started taking zoloft, and its been helping honestly, i am more relaxed abt being in social situations
i still find myself avoiding people i genuinly like and i still find myself missing out on opportunities that come once in a life time out of fear and anxiety but i am starting to feel slightly more at ease and myself in social situations
it also helps that my best friend is a real social butterfly and she knows about my issues and helps me through them alot
telling a close friend about these feelings is very important i feel, someone who will help and support and encourage you in social situations
and one who will bail you out if it gets too intense..
hope that was helpful
% Yogi with Anxiety %

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/1/2009 9:27 AM (GMT -6)   


Great input and I know I have a tendency to want to hide out at times out of fear that I just won't be able to control the situation.  Try not to get cought up in the "What if's"

Don't anticipated the worse but instead just go and be who you are, a wonderful and worthy person.

Take care all,


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