P-Fit I would like to share a few thoughts with you. I recently lost my Mom this past January. She was on life support with no chances of being weaned off the respirator. After conferences with her doctor we made the decision to remove her from life support and allow her to peacefully pass away. Months after she died I went thru many feelings like you are right now. I was in that room with my siblings and the doctors when they told us of my Mom's severe condition, I heard all they said "that there was no hope of my Mom ever breathing on her own". My mom had made it abundantly clear to all of us prior to this that she never wanted to be maintained by machines. So we had to respect her wishes.
But.........months later this huge wave of guilt hit me. I wondered if by telling the docs to remove her from life support I had rushed my Mom's death. I kept thinking that the morphine I authorized them to give her to keep her comfortable had really just caused her to OD and die. Had I done this to my beautiful Mom?????
Of course, I hadn't done this to my Mom. And it took a very loving conversation with a older sister to help me understand I didn't do anything to cause this. And you did not do anything to cause your sister's death. You are just going thru another part of the grieving process. And it is just one of the phases we go thru when we lose someone so close to us, that leave us too soon.
I hope you have a therapist or close family member or friend that you can talk to. Talking to others really helps. And I hope I have helped a little too.
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease and Anxiety/Panic Forum
Crohn's Disease for over 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium w/Vit D, and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
It's scary when you start making the same noises As your coffee maker.
*Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*