Posted 9/7/2009 2:43 PM (GMT -6)
Someone please help me I am about to have a panic attack.
This is my problem and I think Im dying. Im 33 yrs old. I was in a car crash a year ago and was dx'd with a herniated disk. The pain was terrible and I was on pain medications one was oxycodone and the other vicodin.
Yeah anyways, I got addicted to those and now i'm in outpatient rehab i go 5 days a week. I'm on suboxone too. I was on klonipin and i still am but I'm getting weened off of them because like the pain pils i abused the kpins, but im in treatment so i am doing the right thing i hope.
Its hard to admit that youre a drug addict but i just have to deal with it. So anwyays, I've been diangosed with everything and then some. Such as Bipolar #2 (it was #1 but got changed), chornic fatigue syndrom, anxiety, depression, addiction, scatia(which is pain in your legs and back from back pain). And who else knows what I have.
Anyways, first I smoke cigaretts. I am trying to quit but now i feel a wheezing sometimes when i breath. First am i dying or will that goo away when I quit smoking, believe me im trying.
second, i keep getting a heavy like feeling in my legs, its not painful well a little bit but not that much.
What is the heavy feeiing? I have been laying in bed a lot because ive been depressed. I've looked up everything I could and I keep self dx'ng myself with every disease possible, such as some wierd disease who knows. But I'm wondering if its due to my back injury and if i walk and quit smoking if it will get better or am i sso nervous that im going to go to the drs and t hey are going to say im going paralizyed or they have to cut my legs off.
I am so scared and I dont know what to do. What if I have emphyzima or cancer or lympnodia or whatever or vien problems or diabettes or the flesh eating bacteria or anything. I am so nervous I love the Internet b ut I hate it at the same time because i will find anything to diagnose myself and i am worried to death . I get little nerve like feelings too .
Could it be that i am not stuffing my mouth with pain pills anymore and that im coming off of klonipins? Is this a normal thing or should i get my grave ready? I iwll not be legless id rather die.
I hate that im a drug addict but whatever i just go with the flow and do what the dr says and have togo to my NA meettnig but I am just so nervous thanks i appreciate anyone for helping me please be upfront withme if you think im dying or think my legs are going to get cut off please tell me i need to know so i can plan something i am so deathly scared and i cant see the dr till the first of oct. Maybe i should have had back surgery but the pain wasn't thatbad, i am scared thanks
Also, I am weaining off of Zoloft because i might be going on a new anti depressent. I also have ocd a nd these thoughtsare getting bad, like I will think of something bad happening to someone i feel so embarrassed about it i am wondering if i should tell my dr that these thoughts are coming back
Anyways the meds i were on
Oxycodone i r 5 mg 120 a month
Vicodone 7.5-325 120 a month
i was popping both of them like crazy and got addicted it helped iwht the depression but now landed me into drug rehab
tegratol, because i have a nerve problem in my nerve in my head from an ingury but im weaning off that too
klonopin i was getting two scripts one for 150 and another for 90 a month from the same hospital i abused those i am not denying it
zoloft i swear those things give me wierd dreams i am now down to 50 mgs a day i was on 150
blood pressure medication clonadine for withdrawals of pain meds and hbp
and now im on suboxone, no more pain meds but this one
I've taking Cymbalta (yuck), lexapro, cylexa , paxil , so far
i dont know what is in store for me maybe i am dying sorry for the long post than you
PS I AM Sorry for the typos speeling and grammar errors i am a good speller etc but i am too panick struck to even care thank you and pleae overlook this
Post Edited (matth1976) : 9/7/2009 1:50:09 PM (GMT-6)