Anxiety as a result of my past.

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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 402
   Posted 9/11/2009 7:40 AM (GMT -7)   
I've just been signed off work for 2 weeks with stress/anxiety. I am undergoing a lot of stress with my current illness of Ulcerative Colitis/Proctitis, the whole situation is being very prolonged and I am currently waiting to see a specialist/surgeon to discuss surgery. I am struggling with work emotionally as well as physically which is why my GP has signed me off.
However my main issues are that of my childhood/growing up, everything is at the forefront of my mind at the moment and its causing me to worry about everything...mainly people close to me, I'm terrified of losing them. I lashed out a few years ago and exaggerated about things that had actually happened to me and I also told some lies...I just wanted to be heard. I've had a lot of counselling to get over this and time has most certainly been a healer, but because of these mistakes I lost several very close friends. My family do not 100% trust me now and so that automatically makes me anxious to do everything I possibly can to make sure they don't find anything that might be misconstrued as me doing something wrong again. My parents are anxious of me being close to anyone incase I tell them anything at all about what has gone on with out family, and in case they think I'm going to cause problems again. However I have moved on from my mistakes, but I have developed this horrible anxiety now. My parents told the people involved that I had made EVERYTHING up, when that wasn't the case, and now I'm so scared of people not believing me and of my parents getting it all wrong, I'm terrified of losing people close to me.
I have one friend in particular that I am very close to and although she knows everything of my past, including my mistakes, I am stil terrified my parents will somehow influence the situation and I'll end up losing her. I've tried everything with my parents to try to get things completely normal but they are the kind of people who like to brush things under the carpet and keep things bottled up.
Anxiety in general is driving me mad, I'm not sleeping, often getting nauseous, dizzy, shakey and headachey (some of which is to do with the Colitis and meds). Do you think it would help if I spoke to my friend and told her I was anxious of losing her or is it best to just 'get on with it'?!
23 year old female from the UK. Diagnosed with Ulcerative Proctitis Jan '08 (plus mild inflammation in sigmoid) Hospitalised Jan '09 for 3 days; Hospitalised Feb '09 for 7 days. Currently waiting for flexi sigmoidoscopy 8th Oct, and then referral to a specialist/surgeon.
Currently taking daily: 
100mg Azathioprine, Pentasa sachets x 2, Asacol suppository x 1, Pred suppository x 1
Motilium (anti sickness), 20mg Citalopram (anti-anxiety), Probiotic Multivitamins, Fybogel.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 9/11/2009 9:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Qwerty,

I think I would talk to your friend and express your concerns about your parents. Explain how she knows everything, but you just wanted her to know how you are feeling. I think that if she knows about the past already, it probably isn't important to her now. We tend to worry about non important things sometimes. Nature of the beast I guess. Sending healing prayers your way.

Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease and Anxiety/Panic Forum
Crohn's Disease for over 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium  w/Vit D, and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
It's scary when you start making the same noises As your coffee maker.
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*
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