O/T............ I SO MISS MY CAIT n The really strong bond n relationship we once shared

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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/6/2009 8:24 AM (GMT -7)   
   ...It seems that every time CAIT n I  are around one another we just argue like there is no tomorrow...i know she is scared because of my being in the seizure when she came home and subsequent long hospitaliztion after...poor young woman had to see mom hooked up to tubes in every orifice going i swear n i know it had to do emotional damage to her...I try to let her know just how proud i am of her for moving us completely setting up the house...working and still coming to visit daily ...She had to grow up real fast n i have so much guilt because of it and the stress i sawq/see her under all the time.I get so angry at myself for her having to deal with this but before as most would know her n i could talk about everything/anything........now it is so so different ...she would never scream at me b4 and now it is totally useless as it dont matter how loud she yells i cannot hear her..am completely deaf due to iv vancomycin...fact...Have lawsuit in the works due to this but that will not bring my hearing back nor my relationship with her.........i am constantly crying because i miss her n our talks,laughter,cuddling n just plain loving one another....dont get me wrong i kno0w she loves me n i her but the strain has really come between us..suffice it to say i was going to go into a Retirement Home so the burden would not all be on her..INSTEAD i have made self get back here to peeps i care for n can understand...give me some pointers even and just keep doing more n more each day by myself........I do not have the same relationship with my son albeit i do so love him dearly its just that it was just myself n Cait for all those years.......The man you man remember as my other half Howie n i are not together n she called him...she adored him loved him as her father without question...his response was *you and her are no longer my problem* THAT totally devasted her in so many ways..........i feel like i am on eggshells all the time with her n my nerves are shot over it..***i have come off all opiates morphine oxys ect*** and that has been rough as well but i am dealing with it better n better every day........i find i have to take a valium b4 she comes  home from school/work just to try n keep some calm...what am i doing wrong........please if anyone can offer some advice i would greatly appreciate it......i am scared i am going to lose her for good n that my friends would be the end of all ends for me ya know i would be totally lost...I lOVE HER BIGGER THAN THE SKY.........THANKS FOR LETTING ME VENT ....May your God ...Keep you safe......t/y for reading.............LYN.........BTW she is in gr 11,works as a dispatcher for cab co and does extra for the school so her plate does runneth over...i have been blessed i know this i just need her to know this mom loves her more than life itself..........lyn

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 10/20/2009 7:45:17 AM (GMT-6)

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Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 7042
   Posted 10/6/2009 9:04 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lyn

No need to thank us for letting you vent, Feel free to vent anytime we are here for you and can support you through this rough period. It sounds like a lot of changes have gone on over the last months and that must be stressful for all off you, You both have had a lot to deal with so I can see how this could of affected things. From my experience with my parents we have had our good times and very bad times but things always seem to work out and im sure they will for you and Cait, maybe she just needs a bit of time to let the last couple of months sink in and get her head round things. As you said in your post, I'm sure she loves you dearly and wants the best for you. Its good to have you back Lyn and keep posting we are here for you.

Take care my friend



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Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/6/2009 9:16 AM (GMT -7)   

Dear Lyn,

I am sorry you are having so much emotional pain re Cait and all that has happened and I will try to help in some small way.

First of all, please do not be angry at yourself, you did not cause your illness nor your seizures.  You have been living with an illness for many years and throughout that time you have always been a wonderful and loving Mother.  Cait knows this but she is also a teen which is a tough time for kids growing up.

They seem to have a love/hate relationship with their parents no matter if all is well at home or there are problems going on.

As far as being sick, teens usually want to know what is happening with their parent. In your case Cait needs to know as she feels adrift if she is kept in the dark and protected.  She will feel more secure with the truth.........just my 2 cents worth.  :-) We all want to protect our children no matter what age and that instinct extends to wanting to protect them from bad news. When the prognosis is not good, or complications arise, we want to shelter our offspring. But honesty during the difficult times is important to maintain their trust.

IMHO it is important for Cait  to continue to be teenager, even though she is  close to adulthood. Try not to switch roles. Even if she  is willing to pick up household responsibilities, find others to help as well so that your Cait doesn't feel burdened with more than she can handle.

Do you have access to homehealth aid, someone that can come in and clean or just help out ?  The last place she would want to see you is in a retirement home as then she would lose her "home" and where would she live?  You two belong together through the good times and the not so good.

When  you find yourself feeling guilty for delegating an appropriate amount of responsibility to Cait, take heart, knowing that in this day and age we tend to sway in the direction of denying our children opportunities to grow and mature.

Remember Lyn, laughter is sometimes the best medicine -- both for you and for Cait.  If you can show her that you are comfortable with the changes that have taken place, she will feel more at ease as well.

I am wondering if either of you are seeing a counselor?

Making memories with your Cait  will help her feel your love for the rest of her life. Cherish the special moments with your  Cait.  Start a new tradition. Take pictures. Keep a journal. Doucument the good times and she will always have the journal to look back on when she is an adult and someday on her own.

And of course keep on telling her you love her.





Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
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Green Grove
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Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 10/6/2009 5:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Lyn,

I don't know how to add anymore wonderful advice than you have already received, but I just wanted to post here to let you know that I support you. You and Cait are in my prayers and I send the most heartfelt wishes your way. Just take what you can one day at a time and do the best you can. . . That is all anyone can do. As long as you know you gave it your best, then that is all that matters :)

So glad you are back among us again. . . We tend to stray from time to time but then realize that the wonderful members on here are close to our heart and feel our pain unlike many others.

Take care and bless you!
Anxiety-Panic Disorders Forum Co-Moderator

"Life be not so short but that there is always time for courtesy."
Ralph Waldo Emerson~
. . .Not a professional. . .
Please consult your doctor before making changes to meds or lifestyle.

Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/6/2009 5:55 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks for replying...i am really very upset n crying right now we just had another blow up...i cannot take it no more...it hurtts just way to much i will be on in the am....t/y ben n thanks sis 4 always being here..............loves............lyn
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      WE have anxiety and panic.......................................Anxiety and panic do not have US
   Crohns.............Anxiety n  Panic...............Seizures...............Pyoderma Gangrenosum.....Fibro  
                   Fight the fight.............and then..............Keep on fighting
                                                 LYN aka Howlyncat          

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 10/7/2009 5:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Lyn i teach girls the same age as Cait. Teen girls are volatile and they lash out when they are hurting or confused. Howie leaving may have upset her, as did your seizure but you had NO control over this and should not blame yourself. Your relationship with Cait will repair, given time. You have to remember that shes had to grow up fast, but she has goals, she is a good kid and this is a rough patch that you will both get through. I know I was hell on wheels towards my parents at that age, even when they were simply trying to help me.
Hang in there, better times ahead,

Maz XX
 Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic- Depression
" Why does society view illness as weakness?" (Montell Jordan)
 'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)
-DX:Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Seasonal Depression, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Sinusitis, TMJ, Endometriosis,PCOS, Reactive Arthritis, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania,
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Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 10/8/2009 11:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Lyn,

I don't think I could have said it any better than Maz. I had 3 girls and one minute they loved me and the next they hated me. I agree that this too shall pass, and you will have your sweet girl back again. I think when she strikes out at you its because she is scared she will lose you, which she almost just did. Then Howie leaving didn't help any either. I would suggest when she is snippity, that you just give her space because I think with teenage girls, these mood swings are common. Their hot one minute then cold the next. Don't take it personally, its her hormones going nuts at this age. Sending understanding hugs your way.

Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease and Anxiety/Panic Forum
Crohn's Disease for over 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium  w/Vit D, and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
It's scary when you start making the same noises As your coffee maker.
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Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/8/2009 7:04 PM (GMT -7)   
...Thank you alll each have given me great food for thought and i am trying to stay in the moment and keep myself from breaking. I am doing more things around the house as much as i can so it is not all on her and i try not to let her see the hurt n pain i feel she was away. for a few days so she had some time for herself and i hope that will help as well ....I know moms brag about their kids lol but i tell ya she has gone above AND beyond with all she has had to do these last few mths..and the emotional pain from Howie and then seeing me as i was......I AM honestly grateful to have you s to come to ..and i AM getting to the point of letting my anger n frustration make me do things i was told i would not be able to do ......Lil sis..I have checked into homecare n yes i fit the criteria for that so that will help out alot except i have to get use to letting ppl do things for me lol n ya know how this ole bag can be lol......I am honestly feeling alot stronger with each day and so i do a little more each day ..tody it was 4 loads of laundry that i got done doesnt seem like much but at least she woulld not have to worry about that too .I also was able to go get some goodies at the grocery store and made her supper sent it to work for her..I feel better for at least accomplishing a couple of things ya know.........I get the whole thing with the daugther i really do i never went thru this with sons lolt...just hope we weather thru this as it has been very hard on both of us......thamks 4always being my sounding board support system and friends........luvs lyn

                                            DONATE ......HealingWell.com  
      WE have anxiety and panic.......................................Anxiety and panic do not have US
   Crohns.............Anxiety n  Panic...............Seizures...............Pyoderma Gangrenosum.....Fibro  
                   Fight the fight.............and then..............Keep on fighting
                                                 LYN aka Howlyncat    .. ..........      
            Co Moderator.....Crohns..........Anxiety /Panic ..............Alzheimers                                                                                           

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 10/8/2009 8:08:06 PM (GMT-6)

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