Again welcome to HealingWell.
I know exactly how you feel, I really do. I was so impatient for the meds to work, for side effects to go away, to feel like me again. I know all about putting that front up and that is a hard thing to pull off when you feel like crap! Do give your meds time, what else are you going to do? If they don't work out for you, don't give up. One day soon you find what is right for you and you WILL feel better. I also understand about taking meds that are so called addictive, they do get alot of bad press. But if you had to take high blood pressure meds, would it bother you? Or a med for any other medical problem? Look at it like that, follow your Dr's. instructions to a "T". Keep a good attitude and you will feel better soon and when you do it will be a relief. Also know that you cannot rely on meds alone, there is work for you to do too; eating right, exercise, in others words take care of yourself.
Best of luck to you,
There is always hope. I have had the same problem, I feel for you right now. don't give up, hope and faith are what get us through.