Thanks for all the kind words Kitt and Lyn. This morning has been pretty good considering how horrible the night was. It's so wild how my moods can change. The people at work make me feel better, able to socialize about
sports and other things and feel more comfortable. It's when I'm home is when I'm really bad, not knowing what to do, the not wanting to go out and socialize, the wired and energized feeling that I dont normally feel but on occasion has remained pretty constant, and when it is't I just feel extremely exhausted and don't feel like doing anything. I need to regain my life back, need to regain my personality back.
The nights are so rough, I can't sleep and just stare at the clock. I watch TV but don't really watch it anymore, just kind of stare at it while I think of whats wrong with me. I have these weird dreams that are so vivid and seem to remember all of them. In one dream I was looking in the mirror and my eyes were all wide, and my cheeks were all swelled out kind of like they were after I had my jaw surgery. It's so strange the things going on in my life right now, praying that things can return to normal for me. I'm much better at work then I am anywhere else, I should just work 24/7 and become a workaholic.
To address what Lyn was asking, no they never caught the people who mugged me. And yea I did feel as if I wasn't man enough AFTERWARDS. Before that I always had confidence in my strength and ability to defend myself or anyone I cared about. It did change my view point on that even though it was 2 on 1 and it was a surprise attack. That definetly made me stay in a lot more times then I normally would have especially the 2 months right afterwards. I have some flashbacks to those feelings whenever I'm driving through a bad neighborhood or something. Had a really bad flashback when I was playing softball in a really bad town where someone had just been shot playing softball the week before our game was being played there, kept thinking something was going to happen.
Also sorry to hear about what you're going through Lyn I can't imagine being deaf that has to be so hard to deal with. Everyones got their own struggles as I'm definetly starting to realize now and open up to people as they open up more to me. Everyones got something that bugs them it's just a matter of learning the skills to deal with them.
ONE thing that does scare me lately though is, I'm reading WAY too much into music and relating it to myself lately. Is that normal with anxiety and depression? I feel as if every song that comes on that radio somehow pertains to me or how I'm feeling, when normally I would just sit and enjoy it and not really feel that way.
One last thing too, my pressure headache seems to be gone, I have a little tightness in the back of my neck but thats about it. But now I have these passing tingling sensations on the top of my head and down my neck. Is that BETTER or WORSE? I'm kind of confused as to whether I should be happy or worried about it.