I'm doing so very badly!

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New Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 12/22/2009 1:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Not sure if you all remember me but I lost a little girl in 2007. With Christmas upon us everything is freaking me out. Tonight I'm convinced I'm having a stroke just because I have a sinus headache and my eyes are tired and blurring (it's also nearing 4 am).

My oldest Child is sick and I'm so scared we're all going to be sick over Christmas. And I'm grieving badly which is making my anxiety worse.

I feel like my life is being controlled but I can't get meds because insurance won't cover me to see my Therapist anymore cry
Proud mommy of 2 here on Earth and 1 in the Heavens
Dx with Fibromyalgia in 2004. Panic Attacks since I was 8. DX with GAD in 2003. Severe back issues. Had L4 and L5 Fused as a teen.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/22/2009 8:19 AM (GMT -7)   

I am so sorry you are feeling so anxious and please know we are here to support you.

I know you posted you could not get meds as your insurance won't cover your therapist but how about your family doctor, he/she can write Rx for meds that may help you through the tough times.

I am so sorry you are mourning the loss of your child but it is normal and as time goes on you will find you still feel the loss and sometimes it comes back and just crushes you for a bit but then you pull on your inner strength and remember that this child would want her Mom to be happy over the holidays.

Remember to keep things simple, don't over extend yourself as life does not have to be a Hallmark Christmas. Christmas is in your heart and this is where your wonderful daughter will always be for you. Right there in your heart in every thing you do.

It feels to me like you are into some anticipatory anxiety, worrying about the 'what ifs" and I know what that feels like. But we can only be in the moment and tomorrow will take care of itself. There is nothing we can do about yesterday so stay in the moment and know that you are an important member of this great family of HealingWell.

From one Mother of a child in Heaven to another, I wish you all the blessings of the holiday,


Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 186
   Posted 12/22/2009 9:33 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm so sorry for your loss.  :(  I know for a lot of people out there the holidays trigger depression.  As Stkitt said, why not call your regular Dr?  Just tell them you're having a hard time dealing with the holidays due to your loss and just need something a little extra to give a helping hand. 
Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder (and about a dozen other things)
300mg Lamictal
90mg Pamalor
60mg Prevacid
2mg Niravam (Xanax)

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 318
   Posted 12/22/2009 2:19 PM (GMT -7)   
I am so sorry for your loss and that you are having a hard time right now. I can't say that I know exactly how you feel but I have lost someone in 2006 and 2008 right before the holidays so when the holidays come I get a little down in the dumps. I think its best that you talk to your doc and see what they can do to help, sometimes they have sapmles if your not covered my any insurance that's what my doc did for me way back when this first started. I just hope that you are able to have a wonderful holiday and know that we are here for you when you need someone to talk to.
This too shall pass...

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