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New Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 2/8/2010 11:14 PM (GMT -7)   
hello everyone, i'm new here at healing well. let me start by telling something about myself, in 04 i  started work at a mental hospital for 2 yrs part time and really love what i do, so in 06 i got promoted the job was still the place for me, then in 09 i got another promotion to supervisor still loving my job, then came the call-in's, no call- no shows,  staff reasignments, can't stay over, the 1:1's, los, q15's plus the regulars,this is 11/09 and the holidays are coming. i go and speak with my supervisor letting them know we need help there not enough staff to pull the holiday weekend off smoothly, but no one listen. but we made it.
then x-max week once again same thing happens, i go again to my supervisor i only have 5 staff and alot of special obs please help me i need staff. x-mas weekend i was suppose to be off ,but i was called to come thngs were horrible. 12/27 it happen nurse got hit in head had to get 17 sitches, patients fighting on all side,panic alarm sounding,a code had to be called, i had someone walk out of the medical hospital it was a whole day of disater for me, oh did i forget to mention that i've worked 8 days and doing doubles. meanwhile i'm now holding my breath i've got a nurse with her head split open bleeding everywhere and patients fighting when the code was called and help came as they were getting the units under control as i was walking off the unit, i exhale and there was something that happen to me on this day my heart was pounding, b/p was sky high, crying, sweating, i had lose complete control i just could'nt keep it together, who or what the world just happen to me? ,where was i ?, and i cried all weekend, not sleeping, not eating (and i love to eat), butterflies ,vomiting out one end and you know what out the other end. what  in the world is really happen to me? scare to death i went to the doctor on 1/4/ and i was still crying and vomiting ,shaking ,my nerves were tore up ,then the doctor kept out of work for 2 week for stress but i got worst, back at doctor 2 wks recheck and i'm a mess doc says uncontrolible anxiety, the stress, the incident ,no support from supervisor, lack of staff present, there should have been more i could have done but what? i have asked myself over and over, i think about that day everyday it should have been more staff there. anyway i have'nt been back since out on medical leave. the doctor has put me on some meds alprazolam 0.5 mg, paxil 20 mg and premarin 0.625 mg. i have tried to go on campus but the fear has set in i think i can't even drive on campus. have i really lost it?  i'm i on the path of becoming one of my patients? if someone out there really knows about this please help me try to fully understand.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 2/9/2010 7:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Mabb,

And welcome to Healingwell. I myself have had a chronic health issue for almost 35 years and out of the blue about 2-3 years ago I got hit with the worse anxiety. Now I was always wondering what if this happens, or what if that happens and I was just a mess. But thru therapy and the occasional Xanax I am much better able to control it. But it took alot of hard work for me to get to where I can better control it. I still have the anxiety pop up now and again, but I am getting better at recognizing it and working thru it.

I am glad that you have seen the doctor and are working on the situation. I personally think in your situation that this new anxiety situation in your life is still pretty fresh and will take sometime to work thru it all. Are you seeing a therapist at all? If not, I would highly recommend it. Mine really helped me see the cause of my anxiety and help me to help myself work thru it.

Good luck and keep talking to us, we do care.


New Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 2/9/2010 7:27 AM (GMT -7)   
You are not becoming one of your patients. Think positive and maybe see a therapist. Seeing a therapist has helped me out and I know you can handle this, you sound like a strong person and have accomplished a lot. Do you have a family memeber or a close friend to talk to? Find someone, anyone that will listen to talk to. You did what you could do and don't dwell on what you should have done. Hope you get to feeling better and I hope this helped just a little.

New Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 2/9/2010 9:03 AM (GMT -7)   
thanks guys ,yes i do talk to family and a few good friends but you know you don't want to push them away by you'er needing to talk about this more then once, you know people are funny that way they will lend that ear but once the story has been told that it they don't want to hear it again. i talk to my husband and kids about it alot i thank gd that i have a strong family support system and about to be a grandmom in any day.and no i have not seen a psychiatrist/therapist it is so hard getting an appt with them . a few that i have tried i can't get in till march, i guess it will be ok i'll just keep looking. i do have short and long term disibility with the job, any one knows how this program works?  here is my problem about seeing a psychiatrist/ therapist is that i don't want to see nor use one that i have to work with on a daily basics it is sad to say that they got rid of the employee's asisitance program, this is a mental hospital and i just feel that program should be in place who is the staff suppose to talk to when they are at the breaking piont? well enough of that i go to the doctor today and last night as a bad onr for me i toss and turned got no sleep up till 4 am and then dozed off and up again at 6 am here is it goes again nerves tore up ,stomach full of butterflies, guys my job is hostile and violent and i don't think or should i say that i can't ever accept another unsafe unit or unsafe assignment and to be turthful i'm scare to death about this doctor vist today because i'm not ready to go back to work, althrough i love what i do what''s going to happen to to me when i have another incident ? oh and it will happen, will i freeze up ? will i break down? can't take meds while at work i have to be on full alert mode, things happen at the blink of an eye there, i'm unsure if i'm just scare of going back to work or scare of the fact that i'll have to be the locked unit al the shift, oh i forgot to mention that my campus is a locked down campus, all the units are locked at all times. the one thing i do know is that this girl is scare to death of this doctor vist today. i'm not ready to go back to my job yet.shakehead
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