I haven't posted up on here in awhile, I actually have been posting up on another site lately but felt the need to come back here and post up what I'm going through a little bit. Was reading up on the boards the other day and was still relating to a lot of the stuff that people were posting about.
I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression since last october. When it first happened I was having these terrible headaches, and was totally unable to relax. My whole body was trembling and shaking, couldn't sleep at all. Was having sexual problems as well, just about anything and everything that could go wrong in my life, was going wrong.
With the help of cymbalta and my therapist some of these symptoms have gotten better lately. But I still am really really struggling and battling through some issues. Hopefully others can shed some light on these issues for me because I really could use some help.
1) I'm always excessively yawning and having these involuntary twitches, my arms, legs, mouth, just these random little things that happen a lot more then I used to.
2) I am confused a lot, I can't really keep up with whats going on sometimes. I'm constantly forgetting things, things that I normally would never even have to think about. For example, just normal routines of things I have to do at work. I will just forget what I'm doing, what I was planning to do, sometimes even what I have to do even right after being told.
3) I feel like I'm not in control. I feel like I'm on autopilot or something, like my mind went on vacation since October and my body is just coasting through this rough time for me.
4) I have a fear that because I feel like I'm not in control, that I'm going to do something I regret. I don't have any violent or crazy thoughts, but I have a fear that I'm starting to develop some mental illness and things are just going to get worse. I used to always be so sure of my thoughts, and in total control of myself in every situation. Knowing exactly what I want to do, and feeling comfortable in my decisions. Lately I feel like I'm just totally blank upstairs and I'm just going with the flow, which frustrates me to no end lately.
5) My coordination lately has really been failing me. Have been very clumsy and even something stupid as running down or up stairs like I normally wouldn't have a problem with seem impossible lately. Don't know why that is, but it really gets me nervous when I start thinking about it too much. And you can add on the fact that I'm having terrible stomach pains and digestive problems. Not to get too graphic but even my stool is really dark lately.
6 And I guess as far as the depression part goes, I find myself thinking about the meaning of life lately. Why I'm here, why we're all here. Why certain things are the way they are, pretty much questioning just about everything and anything.
7) I'm constantly fidgeting and having trouble staying still lately. On top of that, sleep is impossible without taking my ambien for sleep. Even with taking my ambien I can only get 4 hours of sleep if I'm lucky. And thats with me waking up every hour.
So in summary, I'm thinking I have some terrible illness that will never get better. Whether it's something mental like the beginning stages of skitzophrenia, or maybe it's something physical. I just feel like I'm way too messed up lately to be just suffering from anxiety. Because I really don't ever feel like myself and relaxed lately. If anyone can help me and relate to all of this crap, if it's even possible for another person to have all these symptoms...I'd greatly appreciate it.