Well I'm sure many people here know the feeling of being sick of anxiety lasting day after day, but seriously lately it's been so stressful.
I used to post a lot on another site and they randomly started deleting my topics which were about everyday things. They ignored me when I asked why and eventually they banned me. lol Thus I'm here because I've gone years without posting on an anxiety site and I know constantly telling people about my problems on regular sites is even more likely to push them away because they're not there for that reason.
My recent high level of anxietyis due to several things. I'm 33 and never lived anywhere other than with my parents until a couple months ago. I also haven't even had a real job (and still don't). I took a huge step by moving into an apartment now and it's been hard adjusting due to loneliness and boredom. I have a vision problem and don't drive, but I'm within walking distance of everything I need.
I guess I've been doing a lot of "what if" thinking lately. I'll have disturbing dreams or start fearing not having "proper feelings". For example I've even become uncomfortable around my parents, yet I'm missing them and wanting to talk to them. I feel like I must have something I'm not letting go of in the past because I get upset easily when they give advice. I think they're criticizing me. Yet I do want advice from them.
So a lot of contradicting feelings and me fearing that if I feel uncomfortable around someone in means I don't love them or something. They annoy me easily lately and I wish it didn't feel that way. And my dad recently had a heart attack so I wish I could just feel comfortable around them again. I think also my body wants me to forget them since it reminds me I don't live there now. Maybe.
Also a lot of things about living in an apartment are stressing me also. And fear I won't make myself get a job in time to keep affording being here.
ANYWAY I've spent years trying CBT to various extent, I try most everything I think I need to do, all psychologists have helped virtually zero, and I'm not taking an antidepressant unless I'm just flat out forced to as I don't believe in them and don't intend to go through the side effects as I've tried before. I do take a low dose of klonopin/clonazepam though.
I ended up on here because I was reading a topic discussing Panic Away and the Linden method. I would have replied in that, but I just felt like I needed to write a lot of this.
Everyone always says I have to get through this myself since nobody else can do it for me and I guess that's true and scary. What annoys me lately is that it takes almost literally nothing to make me fill with panic and all the CBT in the world would not stop it too well. Then I think well if I have this many changes in mood over anything how could I ever go to a job every day when it feels like I can't make it through a day?
edit: by the way now it's hours later and I feel great. That always puzzles me how often I can feel good before going to bed and thenw ake up horrible sometimes. I haven't gone to bed yet as I sometimes sleep weird hours. So i try to figure out why I feel so good late. I did take the klonopin, but it's such a low dose over so long of using it I doubt that's the whoel reason. I take a relaxing bath before going to bed. I did move around some so maybe that little exercise helped. I don't know, but I wish I could begin toe xplain how much in reverse it is. It's not bipolar, but rather just somehow the anxiety vanishes many times close to bed time. If I could ever wake up feeling this good it would be easy to stay happy.
Post Edited (NightOwl33) : 4/9/2010 9:49:19 AM (GMT-6)