Yay, I have an appointment Thursday evening with the professional counselor! That didn't come without a ton of stress as I missed her initial call. Then tried to call her back and kept getting the voicemail. I left her a message and gave her my work number then she called me back. Got an appointment scheduled for next week but realized I got my work schedule confused. So I had to call back again and got her voicemail. Then she called me back and actually ended up getting it worked out where she can see me Thursday this week which is good. All the phone calls have me totally stressed out right now and I feel like I just ran a marathon or something. Tomorrow I have to call my insurance to get pre-autorization and call and give her the number. Not looking forward to that at all! Then I'll have to start freaking out about Thursday. She asked if the Zoloft was helping and I told her I didn't think so. She said something about maybe having him up the dosage. Guess I'll just see what she says Thursday. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders after finally getting an appointment scheduled.
The situation at work doesn't involve the 17 year old that's coming to work there. It's something more bothersome in a way and made me totally uncomfortable today. I've worked at this place since I was 18. The owner has always joked around like pretending to flirt with me. Granted, I joke around with him as well. He is 71 years old, same age as my grandma. He is not very involved in the business so I may see him once or twice a month. Lately, actually a couple months, things have started to get awkward as he has been like rubbing my back and that type of thing. Today, the other lady that works with me had to run out to the bank leaving me there alone with him. Well, he was rubbing my shoulders and my back, even the lower part of my back (too low). I didn't know what to do. He would never do anything but I feel that his behavior is a little inappropriate. Like I said, I joke around with him as well but I really wish he would stop touching me. I doubt he would've done that had I not been alone with him. He has rubbed my shoulders and the upper part of my back in front of the other people I work with. Today just felt different and I didn't like it. Now here is where I really don't know what to do. He wants to take just me to a minor league baseball game with him because we are both big fans. It would be a couple hour drive to get to where the game would be meaning a lot of alone time. I do not want to and I am not going to go with him! How do I tell him in a way that won't make it seem obvious that I don't want to go? I need an excuse to get out of it. He doesn't have definite plans in place yet so maybe it won't even happen but he was talking about it again today, he has brought it up before. He is a nice man and like I said he wouldn't do anything...at least I don't think so. He did make a comment about getting a hotel room but like I said he jokes with me that way. I don't want to make him mad at me or hurt his feelings. I really do wish he would stop with the back rubs though. What am I going to do about this? It is really bothering me but he is the owner at the place I work.
I was already upset today after helping my sister move yesterday. Then after that happened, I was all to pieces. I had to call the hospital about making payments. I started freaking out about the counselor not calling me. My ear hurt when I would eat. That's another thing, I ate everything in sight and then I feel guilty and horrible about doing that. I've lost 55 pounds since June of last year and it has been a lot of hard work. I had always turned to food as comfort in a way. Now, I don't do that anymore. I ate chocolate, which is a big no no for acid reflux and it's way fattening and also ate potato chips which I never eat. Now, like I said, I feel guilty and I regret eating those foods. It's done now though so.
The beach trip is still several weeks away but you know the main reason I don't want to go?...You all are probably going to laugh...I don't want to leave my cat. Yes, I am crazy cat lady. He is an indoor/outdoor cat and I make him come in every night. We actually have 5 cats total but he is my baby, okay. I'm going to have to leave him outside for a week. He loves me and is totally gonna feel like I've abandoned him. I'm crying as I type this. This is sad but true, sometimes he is the only thing in my life that truly makes me happy. He is so excited to see me when I come home from work and wants to stay right with me. I can't take him on the trip and I feel so guilty for leaving him. He won't understand why I'm not home. What if something happens to him? What if I come home and he is gone?
This has been the worst day and I think I just need to go to bed. I don't know if there is anything anyone can say or do to make me feel better right now. The one positive is I finally do have an appoinment with the counselor.