I have been taking the last few days to try and reconnect with my spirituality (collective consciousness and the power of love and affirmation <3). This has helped me a LOT.
Whenever I am connected to my spiritual path, I think nothing but love and success. I lost that connection in the past year or so and needed to find my footing once again.
As ridiculous as it may sound, I have been thinking that alot of these negitive images/thoughts I've been having have alot to do with my dads recent death. He suffered some sexual abuse as a child, as did my mother, as did my brother. My dad was the person that my mom and brother talked to about these problems, and he discussed his problems with them in turn. I have these feelings that are so incredibly powerful that I feel they are my own, but upon reflection, I think that these feelings are of unrest that my dads 'soul' has about not being able to confront these problems during his lifetime. I know it sounds a little nuts, but thats my justification of how I feel. This has settled my nervousness and given me the power to trust myself in this.
I also spoke with my mom. She's seen councellors before so she offered to set me up an appointment, but I don't want to dwell on what happened/what i'm doing that I feel bad about. Rather, I will use my spirituality to ground me in faith.
Also!! I spoke with many other people my age (including my man who I felt I was withholding these feelings from) and confirmed my thoughts that we are the first generation to be exposed to the internet and its breeding ground of sickness and negativity. I strongly believe that this has a huge role to play in the way my 'OCD' thinking has developed. No other generation of kids have been exposed to this, and we don't yet know what kind of psychological damage that unsupervised internet access can lead to. I hope to explore this notion in the future, maybe as a way of healing those who have had to suffer the same damage I did.
Basically, I just keep telling myself, today will be better than yesterday, and yesterday was better than the day before. This has been working. :)