I have days where I am perfect at the dentist's office. And other times I can't calm myself down, I cry, have my panic attack in the chair and then calm down. My hygienist understands, so I'm glad I feel comfortable enough to go through this with her, hah. I also NEEEEEVER get Lidocaine if I have a cavity filled, etc. It has epinephrine (adrenaline) in it to make the numbness last longer. This makes sense as to why so many people panic at the dentist. So many people don't know about
I have this problem, as I'm sure many others do, that if I have a panic attack in a certain place, I don't want to go back. Then I worry about
having an attack once I do go back to that same place. Even if I've been fine a million times going to that same place, yet have ONE panic attack, I focus on that ONE panic attack. Isn't that strange?
No matter how hard I tell myself I'm having a panic attack, I absolutely can not control what my body does. My resting heart rate shoots up to the 140's even though I KNOW I'm panicking. I was at the doctor once and it shot up to 142. I should have felt safe being at the doctor, but I paced, cried and thought I was going to die. Not even my doctor could calm me. They made me take a Klonopin.
Honestly, it's so random that my panic happens, I can't seem to get a grip at any time. I'm just waiting for something to happen, because I know it will. If I don't expect it and try not to think about
anxiety, I feel like (if I'm having a good time), it sneaks up on me, startles me and catches me off guard, making my panic attacks blow up in a HUGE way. Positive thinking or not, I'm screwed.
Good news is, I HAVE been to this restaurant we are going to! So I don't feel as badly about
it. I also made it to work last night (yay)!!! and told my boss that I get car sick (which is true) - and asked if I could drive myself up to the restaurant. He said it was no problem.
My next dilemma? I have to drive 45 miles next week up to another town (I live in a small town) and train!!!! I have to go 45 miles away from home AND he wants us to carpool. Seriously, this new job is asking a lot from my anxiety, haha. I do NOT know how I am going to be able to ride up with 4 other people, be stuck in a car with them while they drive (I HAVE A 2 SEATER TRUCK!!), be stuck at a place I am not familiar with all day, with no escape. I guess I'll have to take some extra Klonopin with me. I feel sick to my stomach thinking about
it. I'm going to try and see if I can drive by myself, but I don't want to look like a non-team-player. And I don't want my boss to think that I won't be able to handle my job, which is why I don't tell him about
my anxiety and how bad it is.
Debaser, I used to be agoraphobic when I was 16/17. I would NEVER leave the house. My mom made me leave once a week for counseling and I cried the entire car ride and session. It was miserable. I took Prozac and then led a normal life, like I never even had panic attacks. Through out the years I have episodes of anxiety, but not enough to home bound me.
2008 was when my full blown panic came back. I became agoraphobic again, have tried Prozac again (which I ended up at the ER - something about
it didn't work and the side effects were horrendous). I then took Lezapro and Celexa. One made my heart race so badly, the doctor took me off of it. This was when I developed a HUGE fear of taking medicine, after these horrible side effects started happening. I won't even take TUMS with Motrin. Or Claritin with Klonopin. Or Klonopin with Motrin. I will only have one drug in my body at one time. You can probably tell I have OCD.
My doctor wants me to take Zoloft, and I have a 6 months supply, but I won't even start it. I'm terrified. I know I need to do something because he told me I will not get better unless I take something, but I keep putting it off. I am convinced the Zoloft will be the one to give me a heart attack, or give me seratonin syndrome, or do something crazy with my blood sugar... or who knows what else.
I really want to try vitamins. That's my new thing I want to try. B's for stress, Ginko of concentration, Magnesium for anxiety. But my doctor says he can't know it's safe to take with Klonopin because vitamins are not FDA approved. So I pretty much just take my Klonopin when I leave the house and hope for the best.
Thanks all! You will all be the first to know if/when I survive work AND mayyyyybe take my Zoloft. :)
Agoraphobia, OCD, Panic Disorder, GAD, Hypoglycemia,
Migraines, Kitty Lover, Bird Lover!