I have good days and bad days. When i have bad days i feel hopeless like it's always going to be like this. The heartburn, the diarrhea, the belly aches, the starving because i'm afraid to eat, the racing heart, the sweating, the chills, the general fear. I take xanax as needed, but I still get very anxious going out and doing things that 'normal' people would be excited to do. My dad wants to take me salmon fishing next week overnight, i love fishing, but i'm freaking out. I feel like I haven't come far enough or made enough progress to do something like that especially with him because he doesn't really understand how bad this is for me. I have my next therpy appointment the end of this month, but I really would like to start going weekly. I'm just exhausted. I'm tired of living like this and I feel so depressed that I let it go on this long. I don't want to be around anyone, but then when i'm alone, i feel lonely. I don't want to go out but when i stay at home i feel like i'm wasting beautiful days and missing out. I can't win. I feel so alone. My fiance tries to be supportive but he doesn't know what this is like. I feel afraid and emotional all the time.