Alright well today has been a better one so far. I did take 2 ambiens last night to get some sleep but I definetly needed it. I still feel a little out of it, but I'm so much better today. This could also be because I finally got 8-9 hours of sleep last night, it could also be because I actually put in 5 hours of work today so I was able to keep myself busy. I'm going a little stir crazy now not really knowing what to do to take up the rest of the day. I am giong out for a couple of drinks and grabbing somethin to eat with a friend in like an hour so that will atleast keep me occupied.
Just ridiculous how it is from day to day ya know? Another thing I struggle with a lot is loneliness. I'm a single guy and even though I still live at home with my parents and my brothers, I really feel alone a lot. I don't want to talk to them about this because I feel like I'm just such a nag with it and such a downer. But then again I don't really, for the most part, feel up to just bs'ing and laughing because it doesn't feel normal. I dont know, I'm forcing myself to go out tonight and tomorrow night with some friends so atleast being out and being social should take my mind off of me a little bit.
On one last note, I also struggle A LOT with the whole idea of not being myself anymore. In the past I never struggled with changing my ideas on work/school/whatever. But after working with my family for the last 3 years and being there day in and day out, getting acclamated to the people I met and worked with, trying to branch out in to the "real world" and get a different job feels so odd and so not me. Everytime I've done so, which has only been twice, it hasn't worked out for me. But at the same time I don't want to work in the family business, even though deep down I think that is who I am. Pretty ridiculous right? That's a big reason why I get stressed when going for these new jobs. I feel like as hard as I try, I'll never get comfortable there like I was with my family business.