I understand how you feel about wanting your time and your life back. The reality is that this is your life right now so don't look back at what was but continue to move forward one step at a time and know there is light at the end of the tunnel. I had a huge meltdown 5 years ago just about this time of year. I had no idea why as up until then I had small episodes but all of a sudden my bridge fell down and I tumbled with it.
I took early retirement from my job (knee jerk reaction) which I loved and in the course of things lost all of my friends and I do mean all. My friends were all tied to my job of 26 years. My friends from work moved on and I was left alone with my anxiety, depression and lonliness. I have spent days, weeks and months praying for a friend. I have cried and grieved for the life I had and prayed to be like I used to be. The past 5 years have been a nightmare at times but also some good times. My best friend from work has retired now and we are renewing our friendship.
I finally accepted that this is my life now and I better start to enjoy the good days and if things get really bad I am able to call my Psychiatrist or make an appointment. She has been my Dr. for 5 years now and at first I resented her as I did not want to need her in my life. Now I am thankful that she is there for me.
Yes, I get angry when meds stop working or I stumble and have to get up and get going again. I get tired of all of this but I have accepted that I have anxiety/depression and so I move forward.
Wow, and I was just going to say a few words. What I wanted you to know most is that we are here for you. We know what your going through and we are all survivors.
~~Kitt~~Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease. www.healingwell.com"If you can't change the world, change your world"