I am sorry to hear what is going on at your home. It feels to me like your wife needs some serious counseling. I am wondering why she has so much contact with her ex-husband that you ask her each day what is going on ? Nobody should be abused and I suspect the alcohol may be her crutch. What about treatment for her drinking, has she ever belonged to AA ?
If your wife is still being emotionally tormented by my her ex-husband it is time to seek help for her and the best thing you can do is get her treatment for her anxiety, most likely depression and her addiction. The ex-husband needs to get out of her life as he divorced her. I feel it is sad that ex-spouses turn children against one another.
Try to avoid fighting with her as this is only causing pain for both of you. I can tell you care for her and are trying to help; you are a good person so stand by her but also be sure to take care of yourself.
~~Kitt~~Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease. www.healingwell.com"If you can't change the world, change your world"