Tomorrow, I have to see one of my doctors, who in the past has given me a diagnosis that I don't fully believe any more. However, she is a throat specialist, and after a couple of recent scary episodes, I really need help and want an allergy challenge *during* a throat scope for my throat symptoms. I'm hoping that she will be willing to do this, because I think she is very thorough in her observations with a scope, and because she has the best equipment around for it (even better than the local university hospital).
One doc I saw last year claimed that he already performed a "challenge" on me, but we didn't get a reaction that day, he didn't look around very throughly with the scope (too distracted teaching his new intern about the machine and yelling at me not to move 'cause that was making it hard for her!), and he doesn't have equipment that could record the camera's results to show me afterwards. Said what he thought I had, but that it "wasn't definitive," and then beat me up verbally at my next appointment when I was still scared and mistrustful of the diagnosis. He didn't even have any emergency meds ready in case I did have a severe reaction and acted surprised when I asked about it the day of the test. The doc I'm seeing tomorrow had referred me to him, unfortunately.
I'm really scared - scared of when my throat closes up, scared that it is something dangerous with no doctors taking me seriously, scared that even if it's not dangerous they'll not do any tests to help me believe that, scared that I could die because I mistakenly trusted that I couldn't be hurt by something. I know that when we have health anxiety, we are extremely needy for reassurance, but this past week, with three throat problems happening back-to-back, has just pushed me to the edge. I do need BETTER reassurance than just a pat on the head and a "see me in 6 months."
Please send out your positive thoughts, wishes, and prayers for me. If this doc won't do it, I'll need those positive wishes while I fight to find someone who will. But I'm just so tired of fighting...