I know youve been with me for a long time. Through the good times and the bad. But lately youre driving me nuts. I cant handle all the curveballs youve been throwing at me. I dont think I deserve them. I try my best to eat healthy. I cut off every piece of fat from my food, I drain the fat from my hamburgers till theyre so dry I can use them to scrape off my wallpaper. I dont drink or smoke.. I avoid salt at all costs, and I have even cut WAY back on my sugar intake. I drink plenty of tea which is supposed to be good for you, and Ive even started seeing someone to help me to learn to meditate and deep breathe. But through every possitive change ive made you still give me problems. I even cut back on coffee (which used to be my favorite!!) and you still give me palpatations and tachycardia in the middle of the night.
Worst of all, when I tell my doctor about you she tells me its all in my head. She tells me your strong, after all thats what the EKGS say. We all know EKGS dont lie, right? yeah right. She tells me I shouldnt trust my body. The signals it gives me are just "faking me out." so I need to know, heart... are you just faking me out? I would have thought that with all we've been through that you wouldnt do that. Ive always been there for you... but I worry that one of these days when I think youre faking me out, your not going to be. And im not going to believe you. After all, the doctor wouldnt lie to me, would she?
She says my cholesterol is 168. She tells me people with good cholesterol dont die of heart attacks. oh really? then why do I get chest pain when I walk up stairs? why do I get lightheaded out of nowhere only to take my pulse and its at 120 while im laying down?
I dunno, but im getting tired of this relationship. I feel like I do my best to take care of you, only to have you stick your tongue out at me when we leave the doctors office and go back to your old ways. I think its time you shape up and let me enjoy my life. Im tired of fearing you. You have robbed me of precious years of my life when I could have been enjoying things, instead of crying and fearing death.
So this year, heart, I want things to change. I want you to behave and let me enjoy my time here on this earth. I deserve better, as do my kids and my husband.
Post Edited (Just_a_girl) : 12/30/2010 8:51:30 AM (GMT-7)