Well this blog has taught me maybe it's smart for me sometimes to read up on others posts that are alot like my own. When I seen the title of this post I just had to read it. It's the main reason why I struggle everyday. It's that out of it feeling, cloudy, life isn't real, dreamlike, lacking emotion, feeling disconnected from everyone. It's absolutely terrible. It makes me think ridiculous thoughts. Causes me to think that I'm crazy, I'm not in control, I'm stupid (struggle learning anything new ever since this has started), and my memory is absolutely terrible. These were problems I never had until 2 years ago. I thought it was just me, I've been posting and posting on here for awhile and others have had great insight and tips on how to seek out help. Currently though, up to this point anyway, it really hasn't helped much unfortunately. I still have the same feelings.
Hibee's most recent reply though hit home with me more then anything. Deja vu. Holy crap do I have that feeling ALL THE TIME! I feel ilke I'm stuck in a revolving dream/nightmare. And it's not even scary things that trigger it, it's stupid things. For example, having a conversation with one of the customers that comes in my job all the time, I try and make small talk to help the day pass a little bit. But sometimes out of nowhere I'll get that out of it, deja vu, nobody home feeling. That scares the absolute crap out of me. My mind wanders off and starts spinning and I'm no longer even engaged in the conversation.
Lately my doctor seems to think I suffer from OCD. He said that the derealization/depersonalization is a very common symptom with OCD. I'm hoping it's OCD because it doesn't seem like one of the more serious mental illnesses, but either way whatever it is, it is. It's been too long dealing with this stuff. I walk around the darn house like a shadow of my old self, not knowing who I am or where I am or what's going on.
I was just glad (kind of pathetic that i'm happy about this) that somebody else experiences the same exact thing. I would hope that the original blogger was still posting on this site to see how they were doing. I could really use a positive story about somebody who suffers from DP/DR constantly and has come out of it alright. I worry that it's not going to get better and I'm just going to isolate myself. That's what slowly has been happening, losing touch with friends and family, not talking or going to social events because it makes it worse...it's getting lonely and annoying. But atleast I know I'm not the only one battling this.