Welcome Kelly to the world of HealingWell. I think you have come to the right place to find kind and caring members who know where your coming from and what you going through.
We all have health anxiety and phobias but when they take over your thoughts it is time to work at learning to deal with these phobias.
For many people, out of all the fears, Death is the biggest phobia. I had a dying anxiety and fear. I remember when I was younger, I used to just not think about it. I would say, "I'm not afraid to die, I'm afraid of pain". But this was a lie. I had an irrational fear of dying but for me it was very real. I would worry sometimes that when I went to sleep I may not wake up.
Now at 65 years old I have no fear of death. I believe that my spirit will move on when I am finished with my body. I believe my loved ones including my my son and all my family will help to show me the way.
My fear now is leaving my love ones behind. I do reason with my self - " I have no control when I will die" which helps me put it into perspective.
You are not going mad and do keep on looking for a therpist that can help you. You will get through it somehow...talking helps alot..keep talking with us here in the forum....good luck !
~~Kitt~~Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease. www.healingwell.com"If you can't change the world, change your world"