I am sorry you are in a bad place and I have been there myself but my children were all adults, however the grandchildren were not. I did not want anyone to see me crying and not coping well either.
I would encourage you to seek out professional help from a therapist or Psychiatrist who specializes in Obsessive thoughts disorder. It sounds like the pain and suffering you are having from these obsessive thoughts are interferring with your life to the point that you need help. This is not an uncommon condition and is very treatable.
Check out our resources at the top of the forum, 3rd post down has lots of great links.
Remember you are among friends here so keep on talking with us.
~~Kitt~~Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease. www.healingwell.com"If you can't change the world, change your world"