So this has been an ongoing thing for a while, over the past years i have worked on things and gotten better, i made a big change a few years ago and moved to the beachside and have never regretted it, i love this place and am emotionally attached to it, i have moved around within the same areas abit for reasons like money etc and everytime i move i feel like i have moved foward, like every place has been a chapter in my life and with each place i have felt renewed and moving foward, the past is very dark and not a place where i would ever like to be again, i have done very well with myself, but this next decision
is crucial and i cant figure out what to do i dont want to make a mistake and ruin my entire life.
im in a situation now where i have to move, yet again, and i dont know whether i should move away further out to continue feeling like im moving foward and start fresh, because i find now, that since i have gotten to a good place with myself and healed from those days, iam now surrounded by the past im at a stage where i can be around stuff from the past and be ok but to live somewhere that is reminded of past is not as easy, if i know i can visit then i know i can leave if you know what i mean, and i dont know wheather i should leave it behind and start somewhere else or to move to this place down the road where i have sort of lived b4 which is the issue but it seems ideal, i know ive had this similiar issue b4, but this time im choosing wheather to move away or go for the ideal place and stay in a place i love so dearly, i guess im worried that i will ruin everything i have gained and achieved for myself, so what should i do, these are the facts:
1) my past is so horribe that to relive it would be dangerous to my health and wellbeing and if i cant take it i may just give up on my life, that is the seriousness of it.
2) i love this place so much i dont know how to leave it but im slowly accepting that it may come to that to salvage my dreams and sanity.
3) i could stay in a place round here but in a new spot, but i cant find anything suitable price wise or anything that i would love to live in.
4) the place i think is ideal but is around where i have lived b4, it may turn out ok as it is in a different street and perhaps i could change my thinking and attitude towards this and make an effort to push through and realise my past is my past, but will this work i dont know, i wont know what my brain will decide to do whether i will be ok or if my mind will turn on me and create issues which then i will forever need to keep healing from because that is what happens and whether i have the power to be ok i dont know because realisticly that is how iam and how my brain works which iam not always in control of and i have to be realistic about that and i know this seems ridiculous but this is probly the most hardest decision of my life, its heart wrenching because of the love i have for this place and the desire to break free from the past.
what to do???
Post Edited (oldsoul84) : 1/2/2012 3:44:15 PM (GMT-7)