Posted 1/3/2012 5:23 AM (GMT -6)
Hey everyone, it sure has been a while. Can't say I've been doing very well the last few weeks-- in fact I've hardly left my bedroom. Showering has once again become a frightening thing most times, though on New Years eve I managed to do really well. Wanted to start 2012 off feeling fresh and empowered. Then later on I had a mild panic attack. Ah, well, that's anxiety.
I have decided to see a doctor again and get a little medical help for this. I don't feel that I need to be on an SSRI as I have no plan to be on medication for more than a couple of months, and if that time passes I will switch from benzos and take the appropriate action. Nervous about SSRIs though, as the first and only time I took Lexapro I freaked out completely after half a dose. Not really sure if it was the lexapro or if it was just me, but now I'm scared of most medications. Klonopin is what I would like to try after reading reviews and knowing two people personally that it has worked for without negative side effects.
I really just want to feel normal again, and like my feet are on the ground. I think that with a little help I'll really be able to kick anxiety, but I'm just so tired of the constant struggle with my emotions and thoughts and of course the physical sensations.,
My appointment is Wednesday at 3:30, and luckily my mom is coming with me. When I went about a year ago and got the oeiginal diagnosis I ended up alone in the ER for blood tests, which was the most terrifting experience of my life, as I had no idea what waa going on and why my old doctor sent me to the ER to get blood work. So, of course, I've been apprehensive about going to a doctor ever since. More tests sound awful, but I know that it's just anxiety. I don't wake up from physical symptoms, I wake up and the start to get them. And of course while focused/distracted, I have no real physical symptoms. Regardless, afraid the doc will tell me I have a super rare freaky disease, or that the meds won't work, or that I'll lose my mind on them and have a super rare freaky reaction to them. Guess that's just more anxiety though, scared to take something, scared to not take something, haha.
Any words of advice/encouragement about seeing the doc, or Klonopin as a low-dose "as needed" med would be greatly appreciated. Hope all of you had a joyous holiday and new year =)
All my love,
PS: Sorry for any weird misspellings, I've typed all this from my bed, on my phone, at 3am. Oh, how anxiety keeps us up, huh? Lol