Not been here in a good while. Sometimes i check in just to read others stories if im having a bad day for selfish reasons so i dont feel so alone. But on the whole i have been what i would call "better" Im off the medication (citalopram) have been since.... the end of October i think.
Today i feel quite low. Although my depression and anxiety is well under control i do still get moments of terror. I thought it would all go away and i would snap back to normal but i dont think thats how it works. I suppose its good otherwise i wouldnt be able to measure how far ive come, how low i was. Literally 6 months ago i was at a point where i just couldnt get up and go to work. Although my overall mental health is better ive lost something in myself that i can never get back, i dont think i will ever feel as young as i am (23) As a result of my anxiety/depression (the blues, the blacks!) i have put on around 4 stone (in about a year and a half) Im 23 years old and i have the most dreadful stretch marks up and down my stomach and now on the side of my boobs (which are HUGE, you would think that was a plus) Now i feel like no one will ever want me. So insecure, the thought of taking my top off infront of someone is horriffic (not that anyones asking!) i dont really want to go out and do things my friends do like partying the night away, just because the stress of getting an outfit that fits and not feeling like a whale is too much. it sounds so pathetic and vain considering what problems other people have. I just generally dont feel good about myself today so i thought i would just vent it here rather than bottle it up it just is one more worry to add to the pile.
Re-reading what i just wrote it does seem really pathetic winging about getting chubby and believe me its the least of my problems but today i just wonder if looking like the old me will help me get back to feeling like the old me! I suppose its only me that can do something about it.
Sorry for anyone who has the misfortune to stumble across this very shallow little post!
I do hope all of you end up up in the place where an ever expanding wasteline is the top of your worries because surely its better than the real deep dark place that ive crawled my way out of.