Ok, well I did get up and 'DO' something. But I also took some anxiety meds too but I think getting up and doing something helped even more and a little quicker. I thought of going through my workout videos and doing some warm-ups or something but I decided to play Wii bowling instead. But as I sit back down, I feel my anxiety wanting to return. So I need to get back up and get active again. But while I was playing, it made me feel human again(think from those endorphins), connected to my husband of times we play together, and made me feel like I would be alright. I even beat my score!!! I don't really want to but I think, now I will sit and figure out my budget and pay a couple bills and see if there's any money leftover to get a new Wii game. I saw a bunch at the drug store for $20 each and there were several different ones.
Ok, so a few things to move in a more positive direction-get up and do something, even just a little active & enjoyable, planning something to look forward to(buying a new game), and going out and getting it later(a small-well for me a large accomplishment). Going into a store and buying something is huge for me right now as I have a ton of anxiety doing that lately. Oh, and if I get bills paid that will be a household accomplishment. So at the end of the day I could look back and say it was a successful day. And honestly, it's days like that, that keep me going, give me hope and make me happy. I have more work to do. Like I've said in another thread, I have tons of books on anxiety/panic. Well last week I went to my bookshelf to grab one of them and start reading it. We just moved back into our home so I haven't had a chance to organize my bookshelf but they're all just put on there in no paticular order. So I thought I'd just grab the first one I saw. Well, it happens to be "Master Your Panic And Take Back Your Life" by Denise Beckfield. It's a 12 step treatment program for panic, anxiety, and agoraphobia-Exactly what I need right now. I had started reading it before but with me, I love books but get a little bored with them and want to move onto another one. So if I just focus on going through the whole book, it should benefit me at least a little. And I have the time now so I'm going to do!!
I guess I just have hope that this isn't it for me, I will get better, get some relief. I don't mind being home-have lots I want to do at home so I'm not looking at my agoraphobia as an all bad thing. Even though I do get scared that I will get worse, I can barely go grocery shopping right now and just hate to burden other people, but at least I do have people that will help me out. I'm still able to get out for walks at least which are very peaceful for me. It's raining today so can't today.
Anyway, going to get on with my goals for the day....